Friday, December 30, 2011

2012 Goals and Word

2012 ~ Starting out 80 pounds lighter than 2011 ~ epic!

What are my goals for 2012.....mmmm:

Make Money ~  I have to put this at the top ~ right now broke even looks good ~ I am sub broke ~ like po. I have spent the last year focusing on myself and putting my fitness first and work on the back burner. 
 ~ Starting 1/2/12 ~ I will be in the office at least 5 days a week from 9 to 5 or something like that (real estate is really flexible)
~ If I have not made $$ by May 10th I will toss in the towel on this career and get a real job, le sigh.

Get to Goal Weight by 1 year bandiversary 4/6/12~ 139  ~ I am 22 pounds away and this is killing me.  
~ Starting 1/2/12 ~ Back to band basics ... protein first, water water water, chew chew, listen to my band and portion control

Get Faster ~ Races
~ Run a sub 30 5K 
~ 666 Race bike Run bike 
~ Half Marathon off road 
~ Schiff Scout Race Series 4 Races ~ off road
~ Firecracker 8k ~ 4th of July Weekend
~ VT 50!!!
~ Serpents Back Duathlon 
~ Mountain Man Biathlon

New Clothes/Makeup/Hair ~ this is all dependent on #1 ~ make money ~ cuz right now it ain't pretty...

Embrace my word and live it~ Really ~ like be secure in who I am and don't give a shit (honey badger) what others think.  The road ahead may get really bumpy this year but its cool because I'm rollin' off road anyway.  

My predictions for 2012 ~ 
I will reach my goal.
I will make a bucket load of money
I will take a new path 
I will have a ton of fun!

My Word Our Word ~ Dawnya and I are sharing~ I mentioned it on Tuesday but here it is for real:

Badass aka ~ Honey Badger 
1.Adjective: Used to describe one who totally owns who he/she is, is uninhibited in who they are and doesn't let what other people think affect his/her actions/decisions.

2.Noun: A person who is the best of the best at what they do professionally and/or personally. Being a Badass goes hand-in-hand with being self confident, secure and uninhibited. 

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Weigh in ~ the aftermath!

Start ~ 241
Last Week ~ 159.8
This Week ~ 161.2
Gain ~ 1.4 

This is better than yesterday!  Back on track now.  Went out for what I thought was my 6 mile trail loop run and now that I have Garmina 305 it is actually 5.4 miles ... oh well ~ still not too shabby.  I burned over 600 calories this morning!  
Today is the LAST Christmas party I have to go to!  I will not drink or overeat.  
Its that time of year where we all start thinking about goals for next year and what we have accomplished this year.  I'm working on my list for 2012 and basking in the glow of 2011 ~ down 80 pounds ~ and I would have to say I now consider myself an athlete.  Mission accomplished.

As for coming up with a word for next year ... I'll try and stay away from the urban dictionary and keep it clean ~ I'm toying with 
Badass66 up23 down
1.Adjective: Used to describe one who totally owns who he/she is, is uninhibited in who they are and doesn't let what other people think affect his/her actions/decisions.

2.Noun: A person who is the best of the best at what they do professionally and/or personally. Being a Badass goes hand-in-hand with being self confident, secure and uninhibited. 

Monday, December 26, 2011

Christmas is OVA!

Its done.  Sinara! See ya next year!  All in all it wasn't that bad.  We had a killer Christmas Eve at my friends house and I traded in the red wine for vodka and (lite) cranberry juice.  Not too shabby.  I ate so much that I thought I might explode but alas I did not and managed to wake up on Christmas in one piece.  Santa (my inlaws) brought a Garmin 305! Woo hoo!  I tried it out this morning on my 5k loop ~ super cool!  

We went to my parents for dinner and it was pretty tame except for my Grandmother's girlfriend flipping my dad over in a rocking chair and the both of them ending up in a pile on the floor.  ~  Pretty funny.  Oh, and then there is the Holiday Axe ~ my parents are yard sale/antique junkies and picked up this little ditty for 5 bucks~ it is now dubbed the "Holiday Axe" as it was decorated in holly over the hearth ~ who does that?  

On the food front ~ I am repenting for my sins ~ my stomach is sore today and I'm on liquids/soft foods to make it right ~ I weighed in +3#! Holy shit!  So we'll see what the official  # is tomorrow but I'm not surprised, it wasn't pretty.  Today I ran and am heading out soon for  MTB with Mo ~ nice an easy to enjoy the afternoon.  Tonight ~ more soup and NO LIQUOR.

Yep ~ its the "Holiday Axe"!

Friday, December 23, 2011

Tossing my cookies....

On my way home today I stopped and bought a small package of 3 cookies.  Back to my old ways and started to scarf them down before I reached the house.  I ate one and half cookies then fucked the rest of them out my window at 45 mph.   I'm just a cranky ass honey badger today.  I know that was a small victory but it doesn't feel like it.

It has come to my attention that I shouldn't drink anymore.  This makes me sad ~ no food to celebrate with and now no Drink.  Ah, balls.  Last night I had 3 glasses of red wine ~ not my max by far ~ I then proceeded to spend the night tossing  and turning feeling thirsty and uncomfortable.  I just can't drink anymore and I certainly can't over eat to numb myself.  How to make it through the next two days....
I know it should be about spending time with people and the experience of it all.  But these are family holiday gatherings, THE Superbowl of stress induced drinking!  The last time I participated in one of these sober I think I was 10 years old. 

Ah, enough bitching.  I just made two ice box cakes ~ they are pretty much my favorite ever.  I'll be bringing them out to Christmas Eve dinner and will try not to devour them before.  

Today ~ I rode a horse and am nursing my hangover before I head to boot camp ~ I am long over due for an ass kicking! 

Wishing this Christmas was magical ~ but its just not.
Ho Ho Ho Ho 

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Weigh in

Start ~ 241
Last Week 159.6
This Week 159.8
Gain +.2
Total Loss 81.2

Ok ~ this is not bad ~ I slipped into my old ways over the weekend and tried to cheer myself up with cookies, chocolate, sugar and eat my way through boredom and just feel sorry for myself.  
NO MAS!  ~ I am thankful for a minor gain and not waking up at 241!
I feel like writing on a chalk board 9000 times ~ a la Bart Simpson ~ I will not use sugar to soothe myself
~ I will not use sugar to party ~ I will stop thinking happiness is a cookie.  Ok ~ enough.
This is what my week looked like 
Wednesday ~ MTB ~ 12 Miles and a friend's Birthday dinner ~ with cupcakes/wine
Thursday ~ 5 mile trail run ~ and Dinner @  friends house ~ wine/cupcakes/brownies
Friday ~ NYC ~ taco bell extravaganza and wine and Ferrero Roche situation
Saturday ~ Sloth like day~ situation with cookies/chocolate and ate like crap!
Sunday ~ MTB and Trail work ~ dinner at Sister in law's ~ chips dips and fudge
Monday ~ Mac n cheese for starters....cant even discuss the rest of it.

Tuesday ~ today ~ ran 5 miles in best time so far and felt great! Riding horses this afternoon.

 I can turn this around.  I know why I'm so out of control and it has to do with money ~ or the lack of it.  I am feeling poor as hell and sad about it.  But on my long run today I got to thinking ~ as one does ~ and realized I am already having the best Christmas! So what if I don't have a tree or gifts to give people.  I have my health ~ I'm able to go out and run through the woods and feel alive.  I have the greatest husband and the best group of friends anyone could ask for.  I need to remain in this moment and not allow the commercialism of this holiday bring me down.  I'm just happy to be here!

Moving Forward  ~ the plan for the week

Today ~ KISS ~ keep it simple stupid!  Shake, greek yogurt, soup, shake
Wednesday ~ Mountain Bike 
Thursday ~ Run/Bike/Weights ~ Have a B-day Dessert to go to ~ will have to plan to eat some cake
Friday ~ Boot Camp
Saturday ~ MTB ~Christmas Eve ~ going to our friends house ~ big Italian dinner ~ going to focus on protein ~ making ice box cake for this ~ mmmmm
Sunday ~ Christmas morning ~ Mo and I will go for a long MTB then have brunch and dinner with family
Monday ~ Run/Detox
Tuesday ~MTB ~ and another party

Wish me luck!

Monday, December 19, 2011

Weekend re-cap

Friday night ...oh yes it's ladies night! Oh what a night. Ha! 
I went to NY with my best friend from high school and her wife. Holy laugh fest! I think it counted as an ab workout because we cracked up the whole time! Went to the Bowery Ballroom to see some great music..including Booga of the best bands ever! I learned that taco bell and I still have a relationship but there is no way I can eat my weight in burritos any more. That was a good thing.

Saturday I skipped working out ..two days in a row! What was I thinking! Feeling sorry for myself that there is no christmas at our house this year, I went grocery shopping I decided I would find the Xmas spirit in a bag of homemade cookies. Urgh! What the frig! 

Sunday Mo and I did trail maintanence and chopped down some big trees blocking the trails. It would have rocked except I pulled my back out trying to lift a huge tree...who do I think I am...the hulk? So rather than taking another day off ..I went out MTB and really aggravated my back. Yes, that is a short bus parked outside my house. So this morning, when I saw 19 degrees and my lower back is on fire....I canceled my morning trail run. Urgh! 

It seems that when I have milestone on the scale there is always a bounce back up because I go on and have a party with food to celebrate my victory. How sick is that! I saw 158 on the scale thursday morning...I'm pretty sure that it won't be there tomorrow for weigh in. 
Enough of the rambles. 
Today the party ends and I'll just have to walk on the dreadmill and baby my back.
 In other exciting news...I got new handlebars for my single speed and the say "SPANK" in big letters on the front. This makes me smile.  Also, I've been blissed out watching you tube videos this weekend ~ bandedwendy and some of the other girls are doing twelve days of videos for Christmas. Newtoy4kt celebrated her two year bandiversary with a great video and a photo montage. Super inspiring to see. 
 Happy Monday!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Lust on a Friday Morning...

Ever want something so bad that it see it brings tears to your think of it puts a smile on your face and you start to get all flushed and once you taste it there is no going back...
I'm talking to you Nutella.  I see you mocking me from the shelves in the store.  I fantasize about you, me and a big spoon.  I know the slippery road, but damn you are a fine jar of smooth chocolate nutty heaven.
I just want to be alone with you ~ where no one can judge us ~ not even me.  I wish I were strong and could be around you without having to devour you in one afternoon...but I can't.  I must remain the stable adult that I have become.  I am someone new now.  I have will power, and taking you home with me will only lead to regret and guilt that I will not stand for.  
So I settle on a compromise ~ just a smaller less dangerous version of you.  All wrapped up in a pretty innocent package. I think ~ hell ~ there are only three in the package how much damage could it do.  
 Yes, I'm talking about your suave sexy cousin with the fancy clothes ~ Ferrero Rocher.  All dressed in his shiny suit with layers of hazel-nutty goodness.  Damn!  Its too much.  I just wanted a nibble, a taste and now here I sit..he is gone leaving only a sassy wrapper for a memory.  I tried to deny him but I am a weak woman.  Ah well tomorrow is another day.  I will not feel guilty.  At least he is classier than my last love ~ Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. 
Cheers!  Happy Friday! 

Thursday, December 15, 2011

That was then

I got to thinking the other day while out on my long run. As one does. The difference a year can make. Not just in the scale or clothes, but in language. The language I use with friends and my inner dialogue. A year ago when I would use the word "half" it was usually a half of a bottle of wine, or half of a pizza. Now half means half marathon or I only had half of a slice of pizza or half of a sandwich or half of a pound loss. 
"Time". I use to wonder if it was time to eat, or Time to open a bottle of wine, is it time for dessert? How much longer do I have to run..will this time pass quickly? Now time is something to Improve upon. 
 Speed ...didn't exist to me. Now I want it. I use phrases like "speed work" Splits and negative splits.. I want to be fast, I am thinking about speed  more than "is my ass all jiggly when I run" "are people staring at the fat girl?". Now when I run I actually think about form..and performance...what ? 
 A year ago if you told me that I would make a plan with a friend that went like this: "wanna run in the morning?". "sure, 5 @ 8:30 ok?" "what pace?" I would have said what language are you speaking? This was my text from last night..and that is what I'm about to go five miles in the trails with a friend. I used to meet friends for brunch and spend lots of TIME thinking about ording muffins or pancakes, I would eat with SPEED, and not PACE myself and I would worry that my jeans would SPLIT or the chair would not hold my weight. I would never eat just HALF of a bagle .. That would be crazy! So..that's the difference a year makes in language...and my inner voice no longer shouts You Are Fat and Lazy. It cheers me on to go faster and live! I am a lucky girl....what a relief to have shut that voice down. Words are powerful especially the ones you speak to yourself.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Weigh in and update and nsv

Start ~ 241
Last Week ~ 161.2
This Week  ~ 159.6 BOOYAH!
Loss 1.6!

A recap of this week:
After two days in NYC and not working out I got my ass in gear.  
Thursday went for a 5mile run
Friday ~ Bootcamp
Saturday ~ Mountain Bike 14 miles ~ SS
Sunday ~ Mountain Bike ~ 17 miles ~ ss
Monday ~ Rode a horse and jumped two courses
Tuesday ~ Ran 6 mile loop on the  trails ~ 4 minutes faster! 1:06

Food has been good 70/30 percent of the time.  I have been focusing on protein and water and that seems to be doing the trick with the hunger.  

Yesterday was great~ I rode my favorite horse - Jay Z .  I haven't jumped a course in years and yesterday I ended up doing it twice.  It is so much easier to ride and control my body without all the excess weight.  And I'm sure the horses appreciate it too! 

Its not even 9:30 in the morning and today already kicks ass ~ My run was beautiful this morning ~ Started out @ 30 degrees and the trails were coated in frost ~ it was the most beautiful peaceful and sparkly winter wonderland.  There is nothing like the peace and sanity I find in the woods.  I kept the 159.6 from Sunday....boooyah~ hoping to make 155 by January 1st...slow n steady now...
Oh and for the NSV I sit..wearing JCrew size 8 corduroys...holy shiz!
All of the Jcrew hand-me-downs that I have are numbered 31s, 30s, and 29s...I googled the conversion and wouldn't you know I'm in an from a size 22 Lane Bryant to size 8 JCrew... what tha what!  I want for nothing this Christmas... well maybe a garmin 305...

So looking ahead ~ I have lots of dinners, parties, and adventures over the next week.  My plan is to max out the exercise ~ do shakes, yogurt and soups when I am not at an event/or dinner party and keep it simple...low cal high protein and try to drink more water than alcohol...:)
Happy Tuesday!

Monday, December 12, 2011

Sunday Mass, NSV and photos

Yesterday we had a huge turnout for the morning ride  Sunday Mass.  About 30 people showed up from as far away as 2 hours ~ wow!  Driving 2 hours to ride the trails I use every day?  It gave me a new appreciation for our beautiful trails.  We did 17 miles out to the bluffs and back.  That was a long ass ball kicking ride on the single speed but damn it was worth it!  
After the ride we had cookies ~ they were awesome!  It was the first time that I ate cookies in public and went back for seconds without feeling the gaze at my back ~ you know the one where people look at you like "should she really be eating that? No wonder she is huge" Yep! NSV ~ not feeling self conscious eating in public.  
Then there was a SV ~ I know its not my weigh in day but damn if I didn't see 159.6 on the scale ~ just had to share b/c then I proceeded to eat two slices of pizza and various other things that I cant bring myself to write here (malomars, cheese and wine) WTF.  So we'll see if this glorious # sticks around for tuesday's weigh in.   
yes ~ those are whoopie pies filled with peanut butter

Me, the Single Speed and the Subaru ~ all is right w/the world

Huge turnout!

No shame in eating these cookies!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Hi There!

Yes, I have been MIA for a few days.  No reason in particular ~ life is not that exciting .  I have been doing the usual biking, running and boot camping.  I have been reading all your blogs just trying to keep it to an hour a day.   Food has been good.  I've been doing shakes and Greek Yogurt during the day and having regular dinners.  And staying off the wine.  Kicking  up the protein a notch ~ a la Bandedwendy  seems to be helping my cravings a lot.  

Did I mention how much I love my Single Speed Mountain Bike?  I do!  Today we have a big ride with a group of gals from out of town, it should be a blast ~ except its flippin balls cold out ~ like 30 degrees...eeek.   Should be ok once we get going.

I wouldn't say I'm depressed, just numb.  The holidays this year have no spark. I'm not decorating or doing gifts ~ no cash to blow.  Its a bummer.  The light at the end of the tunnel is,  I have deals that should be paying out in February.  A few months late for x-mas so maybe we'll celebrate valentines day in a big way.

Oh and I have a big night out in NYC coming up this Friday!  My cousin's band (wormburner)  is playing the Bowery Ballroom Christmas  Show with a few other bands that I love.  Booga Sugar actually played our wedding ~ they rock some hard core 70s tunes ~ so I'll be dancing like a Solid Gold Dancer ~ HA!  My best friend from high school and her wife are coming with me ~ its going to be a silly laugh fest and I can't wait!  Two trips to the big city in one month ~ dang!

Happy Sunday Everyone!  Stay warm and enjoy. 

Yes - I used to watch the solid gold dancers when I was a kid ~ no wonder I have body image issues!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

New York City...

How lame is it that we live so close yet can never pull it together to go there.
So Tuesday Mo dragged me in.  I am in the middle of trying to get a deal together at work and am super stressed but I'm glad he got me to go.  We stayed at my cousin's place in the West Village ~ and stay far far away from Midtown!  
I love the village, love the cobblestone streets, the old buildings, the trendy hipsters, the cool shops and food I can't find out where I live. 
I have a fantasy that we own a brownstone on Perry Street and have enough money to shop in the trendy shops ~ now that I am able to fit into the trendy clothes. A girl can dream....
We went to the Standard  Hotel and had a drink in the bar on the 18th floor ~ the views were sick ~ Out over the Hudson and then a big view of the Empire State Building. The bar is very 1950s and it was great to people watch and listen to live jazz.

***disclaimer ~ I forgot my camera and it was pissing rain ~ so these are not my photos ****
The bar at the Standard Hotel
We walked the Highline up to Chelsea to my favorite vegan restaurant, Blossom!  The Highline is an abandoned elevated train track that runs through the meat packing district ~ now an urban park. Don't miss it if you go downtown ~its pretty cool.

After dinner we walked back down to the village. I am the gifted one in the family when it comes to understanding where we are and reading maps ~ so Mo often follows blindly as I weave through the streets and wander about.  I love taking a different way each time we go somewhere ~ this totally screws him up and its funny when we arrive at our destination to see the look of surprise on his face.  :)

We met a friend for breakfast over by Washington Square Park and then had plans to go up town to an open house on Park that he was holding...but I ended up having to race back out East to get my deal back on track  ~ the reality of real estate is nothing like House Hunters on HGTV ~ so there went our 24 hour escape...but before leaving we had to go to BABYCAKES!
I'm not sure what happeneds but as soon as I hear vegan, gluten free, and made with agave...I think it means made without calories....uh oh...So after a creme filled cookie and two cupcake tops and a variety of other cookies I am committed to liquids today.  
If you ever get to NY and get downtown on the east side ~ Babycakes is a must go ~ I have the cookbook but its def not the same.

Now I am back home ~ my deal seems to be back on track ~ and work is busy.  All good things.
I missed working out two days in a row and feel like a bloated tick.  Strange how two days missed can make you feel like you took a month off.  I ate like I had no band~ I was definitely pushing the limit and have to get a grip. Today I got up early to read some blogs, post and work out before my day goes crazy.  Thanks Cat for the motivation!
I'm going to have to crack down these next few weeks and only read/blog first thing in the morning and not daydream and read blogs throughout the day when I should be working....
Plan for today ~
Run 3 miles in the woods ~

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Weigh in

Last week 162
This week 161.2
Loss of .8 ~
I'll take it!

Been busy with work and riding my new Single Speed ~ holy killer workout!
Off to the Big Apple today to bum around the village and have some awesome dinner at Blossom!
I'll have a recap of the adventure in a day or so.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

BYOC ~ on Saturday

It's FRIDAY so that means it's BYOC - Bring Your Own Crazy! Brought to you by the one and only Drazil! We answer a couple of questions in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Copy and paste and answer in your own blogs if you'd like!! ENJOY!!
  1. Describe the structure you live in. (apartment, condo, house, mansion, cardboard box?)
    House. It's one story, about 1400 square feet. Its small and modest, not what you would expect in the land of McMansions of the Hamptons ~ but I love every inch of this house.  We have lived here for over 10 years and the dogs are kind enough to let us stay.  Favorite feature of the house...Doggy door and fenced in yard... oh, and my kitchen!

  2. Describe the city you live in. (population, main attractions)
    I live in East Hampton NY the end of Long Island.  It used to be a fishing and farming community but it really is a resort area now that attracts celebs and billionaires so its lost a lot of the charm that brought them here in the first place.  In the summer I would guess the population is over 35,000 and in the winter I would say about 10,000 but, I'm no census taker.  Most of the jobs are recreation/tourism related and a lot of the "regular" people leave here in the winter too to follow the jobs south.

  3. Why do you live in the town you live in? (job, to get away from a different town, family, schools?)
    I live here because my husband's job is here and we both grew up in the area.  We are lucky enough to have our house ~ got it before the "Boom" and you cant beat the natural beauty of the beaches and trails ~ especially off season when you have it to yourself!

  4. What’s the view like from your backyard?
    Woods ~ and deer and turkeys 

  5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
    In real life, Things have been really good. Scale moving south, Got my new bike this week! And I think I'll be getting paid soon. :) So I'm hoping that makes for a good Christmas.  Oh and going to NYC this week for a few days to see the lights and bum around the village and dine at some killer restaurants!

    In blogland, I've been reading and commenting a ton and been pretty good about blogging ~ It really keeps me on track and I am loving all the support from you guys! I also am a youtube stalker and am inspired by bandedwendy and newtoy4KT ~ love those ladies oh and Sarahwillbeskinny too
I hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm off to work and hoping to get a MTB in or a run before the pain of Boot Camp Last night sets in!

Thursday, December 1, 2011


Love that I have been reading about everyone recommitting for the last push of 2011. Hey, the way I see it...we are soooooooo far ahead for all those New Years resolutions! Love the idea of setting a goal and über here is mine for the month of December: 155 by 1/1/12 that's 5 pounds in a month...totally doable. My uber/stretch goal is 152 thats 8 pounds....I'll be happy either way or even in the middle....I smell goal for my 1 year anniversary...4/6/2012.
Today is my rest day from working out, so I'm off to ride a horse this morning...I love when the day starts off at the farm! It makes the rest of my day seem doable and who doesn't love a giant brown fuzzy horse nickering to you? 
More good wicked awesome super star husband tracked down a sweet new (to me) mountain bike. Yep a Gary Fisher Rig 29er Single Speed gears! I have been wanting one for a long time and it's hard to find them in a small frame at a good price...thank you eBay! I'm expecting the arrival next week....I guess this is how people feel when they find out they are pregnant. Such joy!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Weigh in ~

Starting Weight 241
Last Week ~ 163
This Week ~ 162
Loss ~ 1 pound

I'll take it!  Down a pound over Thanksgiving week ~ this is a modern miracle!
I've been hovering around this weight for over a month now.  Yesterday I went back and read my blog from the summer till now to see whats going on.  My last few months of posts have been less about rah rah rah and more about excuses.   Turning this around today.  

Monday, November 28, 2011

What works

I am not a religious woman. Not in your traditional brick and mortar church and ceremony way. I am a believer in the Universe and Mother Nature and a greater power than myself.  I go to "mass" in the woods on Sunday morning....a place that is more beautiful than any church Man could build. I hardly ever pray....but I have been lately. I'm not sure if it's just saying my intentions and hopes out loud or just focusing my mind for a few moments each day...but I know it works. So in keeping with what works here are my intentions for today... Keeping it simple... 

Let me get through the day without straying far from my plan
 Run in the trails 
100 oz water
Eat fruit 
1 serving FRESH veggies
Protein First

Sunday, November 27, 2011


I needed to have some kind of game to focus on so I signed up for the Holiday Booty Buster Challenge over at Run to the Finish.   This week I start training for the Hither Hills Half Marathon ~ its an off road race this spring! Three runs a week 2 shorter and one building distance.  Below is last weeks activity with the corresponding points for the challenge and then this weeks goals.  The best part about the challenge is you get extra points for eating fruits and veggies ~ two places this vegetarian slacks big time.

Tuesday ~ run 5k 3 points
              ~ Atkins Shake/ soup/ and dinner w/ the girls 
Wednesday ~ Ride horses and MTB 12 miles 4 points ~ Dinner with Inlaws - I'm cooking so thats good ~ vegan Lasagna and pumpkin pie
Thursday ~ Turkey Trot or  2.5 hrs MTB 16 miles 5 points ~ dinner at my moms and dessert at a friends house...must be on guard  had an affair with Banana Bread pudding from Magnolia Bakery and a gross amount of key lime pie ~ Damn u sliders!!
Friday ~ MTB 10 miles 3points   and Boot Camp 3 points~ dinner at a friends...had leftovers most of the day and vegan veggie pot pie for dessert 
Saturday ~ trail run 3 miles 3 points ~ drinks with friends and a family dinner too...
Sunday ~ Long Bike 3 hours 20 miles 6 points
Thats 27 points for this week...not too shabby

This week ahead ~ 11/28 -12/4 ~ eat more veggies!!
Monday ~ 6 mile trail run. MTB @ night ~ 12 miles   
Tuesday ~ MTB and Ride a horse
Wednesday ~ Short run 
Thursday ~ Ride horse
Friday ~ Boot Camp
Saturday ~ Short run 3 miles
Sunday ~ long mtb ride

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hello Sunshine!

This is not where I live but I love it!
The weather here is awesome for the End of November!!  Its almost December and its going to be in the 60s for the rest of the weekend!!!!  I can't concentrate on work at all ~ I just want to be outside  biking and running ~ to heck with trying to earn a living , these are the last of the good days!  This is my big problem ~ I have been blowing off work for weeks with this excuse....eeeeek!!  I have a ton of b/s paperwork to finish and I just don't feel like sitting in front of the computer.  

I also have a fridge full of leftovers....they call to me and taunt me when I am working.  Thank god I have my band ~ I have been relying on it heavily over this week.  

This morning I'm off for a trail run with some friends and will hopefully be able to buckle down and work after that....
PS ~ did not know what Lats were until this morning...apparently I have them and they are flippin' sore from bootcamp...

Accountability update:

Tuesday ~ run 5k 
              ~ Atkins Shake/ soup/ and dinner w/ the girls 
Wednesday ~ Ride horses and MTB ~ Dinner with Inlaws - I'm cooking so thats good ~ vegan Lasagna and pumpkin pie
Thursday ~ Turkey Trot or  2.5 hrs MTB ~ dinner at my moms and dessert at a friends house...must be on guard  had an affair with Banana Bread pudding from Magnolia Bakery and a gross amount of key lime pie ~ Damn u sliders!!
Friday ~ MTB and Boot Camp ~ dinner at a friends...had leftovers most of the day and vegan veggie pot pie for dessert 
Saturday ~ Long trail run 6 miles ~ drinks with friends and a family dinner too...
Sunday ~ Long Bike

Friday, November 25, 2011

A Banded Thanksgiving.

Wake up ~
Drink a shake ~ 
Get the bikes ready ~
Meet up with the gang ~
Head out for two and half hours in the woods~
Forget to eat lunch~
Go to dinner @ moms ~
Fill my plate ~
Realize there is no way I'm getting it all in ~
Ask for a doggy bag ~
Head home satisfied and guilt free..

I am thankful for my band. :)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Weigh in

Last Week ~ 161.2
This Week ~ 163.0
~ GAIN OF ~ 1.8

It seems that as soon as I get to a milestone there is a bit of self sabotaging going on.  
This week I worked out a lot ~ but missed 2 days 
Ate a lot of fried pickles , had b day cake, drank a lot of wine, ignored my band and binged on chocolate.
What did I expect.  I was trying to be "normal"
This is not "normal" even when I reach goal ~ which I'm thinking should be 135 -140. 
I have been a bad vegetarian ~ eating prepared foods and processed crap.
How do I feel ~ like garbage.  No Mas! Food does not equal celebration/ or an activity I must remember to fuel my body with it and not party with it! 
Tea is my friend ~ I must turn to the chai when I am craving crap

Enough ~ Here is the plan from today forward ~ I'll keep updating food as I go.

Tuesday ~ run 5k 
              ~ Atkins Shake/ soup/ and dinner w/ the girls 
Wednesday ~ Ride horses and MTB ~ Dinner with Inlaws - I'm cooking so thats good
Thursday ~ Turkey Trot or MTB ~ dinner at my moms and dessert at a friends house...must be on guard
Friday ~ MTB and Boot Camp ~ dinner at a friends...
Saturday ~ Long trail run 6 miles
Sunday ~ Long Bike

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mid binge......

I have just binged on a box of chocolates ~ wrappers surround my laptop and I am sad and disappointed. 
Lesson of the day ~ just b/c I had surgery does not mean I have cured my eating disorder.
 I will ride my bike tonight and I will run tomorrow and I will move forward and look at why this happened.  For this moment I need to remember that this is just a bump on the journey and I'm not a bad person b/c I fucked up.  I didn't kill anyone and I won't let this turn into a 3 day episode.

A little bit of Mary Oliver for the moment ~ one of my favorites:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting  
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver 
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver

Saturday, November 19, 2011

I'm an addict....

Hi my name is Vanessa ~ I am an addict... to what?  Just about everything that I like ~ food, exercise, reading blogs, facebook, racing, people...urgh the list goes on.  At least its not drugs or alcohol.

I knew my main addiction would change from food eventually  ~ when I went for my psych eval before surgery, the Dr. said to be careful because it was obvious to her that I would become addicted to exercise.  She said to me with a straight face that I'd have to be vigilant that my weight doesn't get too low.  I nearly spit water out of my nose and fell off the chair laughing.  She was partially weight still needs to drop but I have the signs of an exercise addict: grumpy and irritable when I can't get out and run/bike.  I plan my day around when I'm going to bike or run and I look forward to it all the time.  I run in the morning to make sure that I get some cardio in just in case and then in the afternoon/evening I'll mountain bike or go to boot camp.  I just need to be careful that it doesn't get out of control...

I even took a look at Eddie the Dog this morning and decided he needed to loose a few guess who my new running partner is?  He thought this was awesome fun until we hit the hills at mile 2...then he spent the rest of the run sniffing leaves and trying to chase deer while I walked home...I think he needs couch to 5K. :)

This is Ed's idea of being active...

Thursday, November 17, 2011

10 things Thursday!

Ten random things in bullets = Woohoo!

1.  Exciting things are  afoot at work ~ mmm.. will give more details down the line but it made my day!

2.  Band is tight!

3. Missed working out 2 days in a row and have a fear I will wake up tomorrow mornining weighing it at
 241 ~ totally irrational but leading to very real anxiety! eeek!

4. Going to the movies tonight to see J Edger ~ I love me some Leo!

5. Raining, dark and cold as balls here on the end of Long Island = gross and a reason to put on my alcoholic hat for the winter ~ must remember not to do this or I WILL wake up at 241 again soon

6. Boot camp tomorrow night ~ I can't wait! its been weeks since I've been

7. Bike ride tomorrow early ~ to shake the legs out from 2 days of rest ~ really looking forward to it.

8. Ran a six mile loop on the trials ~ yep ~ running - you are my bitch!

9. It hurts when I eat anything hard ~ see #2 ~ I'm thinking I need to do liquids for a few days and see if anything changes ~ or head for an unfil

10.  Got stuck bad for the first time ~ whole wheat toast, you are no friend of mine.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Eight to the oh! Ocho Zero! 8-0 or 80

Weigh in ~ 161.2 ~
Last week 163.4
Loss ~ 2.2

Whoo Hoo ~ down 80 pounds total.

That is all.

Sunday, November 13, 2011


Team Hops

Finish line with a beer

Hi five at transition

Heading out for lap 2

Oh Hot DAMN!

Mountain Man Rocked! Or rather, I rocked Mountain Man!  5th Female overall! under 2 hours!
The run was super rooty and rocky ~ I taped the balls outta my ankles and walk/ran the first run ~ note to self: get faster at the run so I don't have to ride through bike traffic on the bike portion.  The bike kicked ass ~ 11 miles in 1:08 ~ bitches!
Getting ready for the second run at the transition area ~ the guys were all in from their race and thought it would be helpful to yell at me to go faster putting on my shoes ~ holy pressure! I told them to Feck off and carried on at a slower than snail pace.
Second run was painful and slow but on my way in to the finish someone handed me a beer so I crossed the finish line with a Black and Tan in hand  ~ my kind of race!!
And yes ~ the award is a shingle with 3 rocks glued to it ~ not bear scat as a friend asked.
I have more pictures of the race and will post soon ~  off for a recovery ride this morning

Friday, November 11, 2011

'Twas the night before Mountain Man ~ Take II

Yup ~ tomorrow is the big day!  No snow in the forecast so the race is ON!
We are down to a skeleton crew ~ most everyone has other places to be tomorrow so there are just three of us going plus our mascot and support team, Sue.
I'm not nervous one bit like last time.  Nope, I am just chillin' trying to decide if drinking 3 glasses of wine will help my pace (a la Serpents back race).  Its the last race for this season ~ besides a 5k on Thanksgiving ... but that doesn't really count ~ no mountain biking.

Today I took it easy ~ light run in the woods and ate pretty well.  I am thinking part of the food problems (reckless eating and bingeing on sliders)  I've been having are b/c I'm not taking the time to chew ~ so I give up on solids and go for the sliders.  Oh and also the emotional part of it too.

This week I was pretty lame with the amount of crap I ate but by some divine miracle I lost a bit this morning.  Its the universe's way of motivating me to pull my shit together and keep going.
Message received.... Message received.
 ~ onward and upward...hoping there is a place on the podium for me tomorrow!

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Emotional Eating

One of my WLS Idols, bandedwendy, made a video about this today.  She is a true Warrior!

I am an emotional eater ~ this is not news to me.  I have always been unable to sit with certain feelings ~ like uncertainty, regret, love, loneliness, anticipation.  
These feelings create a inner jittery vibe inside ~ one that I just can not get comfortable with.  I feel like I want to jump out of my skin when I have to feel them.    I am unable to "sit" with these feelings.  I do what I have learned to do to soothe the discomfort ~ eat.  Push it away with food or distract my mind with eating.  What is so horrible about these feelings that I can't just "sit" with them or walk through them?  Why am I so afraid of discomfort?  Will they kill me... no.  Will I endure bodily harm from  Will I loose my family from these feelings?..No.  

So what is the big deal?  I mean really.  When there are people all over the world that are suffering and living through hell on a daily is it that I can not sit with an uncomfortable feeling?
Today, thanks to bandedwendy, I am going to slog it out with myself and sit, walk, and be with this discomfort.  When it becomes too much to bear and I want to take the easy way I will think of others who have no choice or control over their suffering.  Often when I want to quit on a run or a ride I think of our soldiers in the Middle East ...they have no option to isn't even a thought.  I'll take that with me and keep pushing.    

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Weigh in and Plan of Attack

163.4....not a big loss ~ but I'll take it.  I got all confused carb loading last week and may have ate too much and then drank too much....oh boy.

Saturday is Mountain Man take II!  So This is what my week looks like.
Sunday ~ 1.5 hr mtb easy
Monday ~ 1.5 hr mtb @ night ~ easy
Tuesday ~ 5 mile run (2 on the road 3 in the trails)
Wednesday  ~ Ass kicking MTB ride with the boys
Thursday ~ 5 mile run or mtb moderate
Friday ~ Day off
Saturday ~ MOUNTAIN MAN 2-11-2

The training and exercise is the easy part ~ the food has been a disaster!  I start each day with a halo on ~ and then about lunch time it goes down hill.  The chocolate/sugar monster is trying to run my show! Frig.
I know I have to take it one decision at a time but lately all the decisions have been crap.
Perhaps I'll try the pouch test? Does that help get one back on track?
Also ~ does anyone watch Banded Wendy on youtube?  How the hell that girl trains and runs as much as she does on 1200/1300 calories??? I am dizzy at 1200 and almost passing out when I stand up...

Happy Election Day!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Tour of the Shore ~ winning Team!

Holy Whose your Daddy and then some!  Our team won the relay ~ we even beat men! And no, they were not disabled - as a friend asked!
Totally a fun day!  It was super windy for the 2.5 mile kayak but Sue crushed it in 24 minutes!  The 11.5 mile mtn bike was fast and fun for me ~ 1 hr 15 min I think, and Ali killed the 4.5 mile run on the beach and through waist high water!  I'm am on such a high from the day.  I have never won anything.  My own mother was like "oh Ness! I don't believe it!"  Ha!
Here is a photo of my team and the awesome beer stein trophy with the bottle of wine I am drinking to replenish calories burned today.
Ali ~ kicking some running ass!

rough current

our fearless kayker

My first trophy EVER! And the wine I am downing

Friday, November 4, 2011



Let’s get to what we came here for! BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy. A couple questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you wish! Enjoy!

Let’s do another themed BYOC…..this one will be called “What’s In/On Your….?”

1. What’s on your desk between your monitor and keyboard? (if it’s a laptop – what’s on your desk in general)

I am a slacker and work from home a lot ~ my laptop is on the island in the kitchen.  There are candles, my blackberry, and fruit around me

2. What’s on your mind right at this moment?

Misplaced feelings ~ that have something to do with grief but are making me feel wacky and dangerous....

3. What’s in or on your nightstand on your side of the bed?

lamp, massage oil, alarm clock and various other devices :)
4. What’s on YOUR Christmas wish list (let’s assume you’d get what was on it)?
A new carbon fiber specialized single speed 29er mountain bike....Duhhhhh!

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.

Real life has been high and low. I went for a road trip last Sunday and had a blast.  Been riding and running like a maniac.  Yesterday was a bad emotional day ~ super sad and missing Andrew ~ eating cookies ~ and feeling lost.

Blogland has been good ~ I am inspired by so many of you great ladies and comforted by the fact that I am not the only one to go off the rails sometimes.