Tuesday, July 31, 2012

top ten things I love about blogging

1.  A community of peeps that cheer for me and give good advice

2.  Accountability.... 

3. A record of my journey for me

5. I can number my list any damn way I want

6a. Ronnie is funny! 

7. Even though Cat and Robyn are Mia b/c they are working hard these days - I still think about them and can't wait for when they get back to regular blogging

F2 - Because yes, I can bike 65 miles and post about it and I can also let you know I just binged today and hope like hell I can pull my shit together - Smores frozen yogurt - is a problem

The symbol for Pi here:    My day isn't complete unless I check in on you all!

8.235ab  - I'm human and so is my blog....

Monday, July 30, 2012

Olympic Fever

Yes - I've got it bad! I'm almost delusional..

I have always loved the Olympics.  This year I am obsessed.  Last night I wondered - out loud  and dead seriously "can an obese lap bander become an olympian?"  Mo looked at me like I had 8 heads.
I'm still kinda young....36.  Every few years I "age out" of a sport.  At 18 it dawned on me that I would never be a gymnast.  At 22 I knew I would never be a track star.  At  28 my podium finish for the 400m freestyle dreams were crushed - as you can see with each new games I was out a sport - in the back of my mind I keep curling and equestrian events as my safety sports.  But last night I fiercely and proudly proclaimed to all in my presence - Mo, Eddie and Sammy - that here before them was an olympian.  Yes - Rio 2016 - For Mountain Biking.  I will be 40.  I have never raced in a UCI sanctioned event but why the hell not shoot for the stars!

Not me - this is an actual olympian ~ Judy Freeman
In other weightloss news....
I had a small slice of b-day cake - I didn't even want it but I thought I should have it.  Dammit!  Sent me into a sugar spiral yesterday.  Today back to white knuckle sugar detox to get back on track...
I am so sensitive to that shit!  grrrrr

What I ate yesterday -
Protein Shake
small bag of chocolate chips
4 slices of fried zucchini
b-day cake
2 small pieces of chocolate
blood orange margarita - damn that was good!
miso soup
avocado salad
few bites of cookielicious - insanely good!

Turning this around now.....

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Birthday Recap! In Photos

Yesterday I biked 65 miles ( strava says 61 - b/c I accidentally shut off the garmin by accident at one point) - it wasn't a beach day so I spent the whole afternoon in a post ride stooper  watching the olympics and laying around.  Then went to my BFFs house - she made me cake and we munched on fresh mozzarella and tomatoes... yum!  Kept it very low key - the best part of the day was spending 4.5 hours on the bike without having to be anywhere or worry about work! pure heaven.  -
the 3600 calorie burn wasn't bad either! 
Happy Sunday! - get your ass up and out there and do something for yourself!

Me and Sammy in our post ride lounge position!

MY Birthday pres - 90% finished new bathroom

I will be visiting this ring - its 8 carrot ruby and costs 350,000.   - next year!

Mo!  Toasting the birthday girl!

Cake and Card - yay!

Half way!  Made it to Montauk!  
I just thought this was cool!

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The Low/Rock Bottom

I was just thinking about the lowest of the low - often a good place to go when you are feeling all badass - to keep oneself in check.

This is one of the defining moments that turned my life around:
We were bowling with a few other couples and the mens XL bowling shirt wouldn't button on me.
My friends husband kept calling me "Big V" - I never thought of myself as big - it crushed me and I wanted to run out of there crying but I had to keep going.  Everytime I got up to bowl he'd yell - come on Big V or Big V's up.   Yeah that hurt.  But I want to thank him - it was defantely a moment that pushed me to change my thanks!  
I'm never going back to that "Big V" ! 
Oh and yes - I'm up at 5 am watching the Olympics on my birthday - getting ready to go road riding with the guys - 60 miles today!  picture montage to follow tomorrow ~ Whoop Whoop!

What I ate Friday
No work out - saving legs for saturday.
half of a blueberry shake
green juice ~ Kale, Cucumber, pear etc,,,
nuts from s'bux
iced soy coffee
half small bag of local sweet potato chips
guacamole small container - yum
chips ~ how else am I gonna eat guac?
protein shake **** I add green vibrance to my shake for extra veggie power***

Friday, July 27, 2012

10 things Friday ~ because I can!

1. ~ Tomorrow is my birthday - yes!!! best day of the year!

2. For my birthday ~ my friend Kevin and I are going on a long road ride and will be trying to win certain road sections on STRAVA - dorky yes, but fun...hells yes!  Strava is a super cool app where you can race your friends on certain stretches of road and win points...

3.  Yesterday went "up island" with a mission - get a tattoo.  Turns out there was a 3 hour wait on a Thursday?? And Athena is going to take up my whole side...may have to rethink this plan...

4.  Was with my BF and her hubby on the road trip yesterday - we had one of those random days where you drive a lot and crack up along the way!  We got some taco bell (I got stuck after two bites...balls) then we went to the fiat dealer - such cute cars - I think they are going to get one.

5. Still off the sugar!  Almost went for frozen yogurt last night but overcame the urge - every time I say no - it gets easier

6.  51 Miles on the road yesterday - pretty frikkin cool!

7. Renovation is just about done and we are moving back into our bedroom tonight and will be using the new bathroom if I can find a curtain rod... - it takes two weeks for the shower glass to come in..

8. Tomorrow's plan - Road Ride early, run 5K with a friend then off to the beach (in bikini) and BBQ at a friends house.  Last year I weighed 181 this year I'm hovering around 160 ~ 20 pounds less!

9. Bought some lotto tickets yesterday...drawing is tomorrow night....fingers crossed.

10.  Is it weird that I don't feel like drinking alcohol?  I'm just not that into it these days.... 

10a. Olympics start today!!!  I always wanted to be in the olympics....maybe 2016 for Mountain Biking...or Badminton...I'm not too particular...

What I ate Thursday -
gu x 2
Road ride 51 miles
protein shake
three bites of taco bell
small bag of chex mix
2 slices of provolone - low fat
1 baby bell cheese -low fat
1 veggie hot dog
protein shake

Thursday, July 26, 2012


4:45 alarm ~ Taking in coffee to wake up.
This is freedom because I am up at this hour to meet friends for a Road ride.  We are meeting at 6 - a few miles from my house.   
Its not my birthday yet but this is one of my gifts from a good friend.  She wanted to take me for a mani pedi (which we may still do) but I really wanted to go for a ride with her instead.

I have been thinking lately about the freedoms that I have now. My favorite freedom is the freedom to do anything without wondering am I too fat to do this? will everyone be staring at me? Will I hold everyone back?  Freedom from hunger, from that voice in my head that is the sad sack voice that feels sorry for herself.  

I've been helping a friend with the process of getting a band.  She is just in the beginning stages of insurance approval and discovering what its all about.  My two pieces of advice to her:
EXERCISE every day for a minim of an hour - do something -I don't care if its walking the dog or running through a sprinkler on your front yard - just move - find something you love and do it every day until can't imagine not doing it every day!
My second piece of advice - Start Blogging and reading everyone's story - thats where you get a real feel for what its really like - and I told her to watch Bandedwendy and newtoy4kt on you tube.
What are the two pieces of advice/info you would tell someone who was beginning the journey?

PS - I'm on Daily mile - who else is on there - I'd love to follow you guys and cheer you on!

What I ate yesterday
5K run
Chickpeas with spices - I just rinse them off from the can and bring em to work to snack on
Portobello mushrooms from the inside of a sandwich
S'bux Protein Shake
half of a veggie protein sausage
chips and cheese *bad call*
Protein shake 
*** summary - need to prepare dinner options in the morning so I stay away from cheese and chips!!**
Missing veggies here.....

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


Wow!  Thanks for all the props on yesterday's post.  I love you all long time!  

So keeping with the plan that Christina and I came up with, I'm going to post what I eat - not calories because that shit makes me crazy and I get all binged out from it.

Yesterday ~ Started off with a gu  and 2.5 mile run through the hood - it was sooo humid - blech!
Did the chick pea thing when I got to work - and wow ~ I was full most of the day.
Snacked on watermelon
Had a strawberry soy smoothie sans protein powder from s'bux ~ I added my own soy protein 
Ment to grill that tofu fruit kabob - but it started to rain here and instead, I had to finish that loaf of mozzarella (sorry)  - no mas I swear!  Then I snacked on some tortilla chips...while watching the Real House Wives of NYC - not my proudest moment of the day 
Forgot to add that I made another protein shake at home. 
Had a glass of skinny girl margarita to finish the night off....note to self - this stuff makes me feel sick - do not drink anymore.. boooo

Christina (my nutritionist sent me this email below)  Breathing is the hardest thing for me - mostly because I hate the sound of breathing but thats a whole different post - but hey I'll try anything to conquer the sugar monster . 

I have a few more ideas about your sugar cravings. Sugar=carbohydrates=energy for us. So with the INSANE workouts you do, your body may be craving some carbs at times. Don't stress about your sugar cravings. Every once in a while is just fine. Also- I do have a doctor friend at work who is a yogi/guru/70 year old man who is in better shape than many 17 year olds, and he told me to spend a lot of time focusing on breathing (oxygen) which is the molecule in carbohydrates which helps to form energy. Practice taking deep breaths and focus on that to provide you with focus on not self-sabotaging and truly- don't panic about craving sugar. You're human. 

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Bikini and Nutrition Appointment ~ REcap!

First off ~ Hi Christina!  ~ she's my nutritionist.  She rocks and reminded my how far I've come!
The last time we saw each other I was being wheeled out of the hospital high as kite laughing all the way.  When we saw each other last night I saw her eyes well up and she couldn't believe how I looked.  Wow ~ that was pretty cool - I had just spent two hours beating myself up in dressing rooms at Target that I was a 10 and not an 8!  Gives you some perspective!

So our meeting was good - I came clean with the truth and she wasn't mad or shocked ~ just gave me some good ideas that I'll try tonight - Tofu fruit kabobs ~ yum - I'll post more about that after I try.
We also talked about eliminating dairy - yes the farm fresh cheese has got go - I'll be wearing black and sitting shiva on that one.

She said with the amount of exercise I do she wasn't worried about me eating a little bit of sweets ~ um como say what?  - If she's not worried - then I won't be and maybe I won't stress over it.  I need to focus more on protein - edamame, chick peas and beans and rice are where I need to be - and prep prep prep - This lazy ass has got to go shopping and plan ahead. 

She also encouraged me to come to the meetings and give support to her other patients ...I feel like I would end up going all Jillian or Banded Wendy on these sad sacks that get the band and don't exercise and drink milk shakes and then bitch about the band  ~ I'm pretty sure I would be all "Bitch Please - its not a frikken magic band - you gotsta to do the work!!!"  If you exercise for 21 days I guarantee that you will crave it and never look back  Ok - off the soap box now - 
I was surprised that I am the exception and not that many have done as well with the band...I def attribute it to exercise and loving the type of exercise I do - oh and not living near taco bell. 
Overall the appointment went well - I'm back on track today about to go for a run.

Oh and I'm having a photo shoot for the drs calendar in October - so its an 8 week push to goal....giddyup!

Before my appt ~ I went bathing suit shopping....shocking result.

Here is some visual wonder for you ~ 

Morning of surgery ~ I took a pic of pic - you can't really see but you can make out the girth...

Morning of Surgery

Stopped in to visit Bonfire - cutest pony ever!

Suit #1 ~ the shirt on the wall came home w/me too 13$!

Suit #2

Suit #3 - Winner!!! Board Shorts rock!

Because everyone eats taco bell after buying a bikini!  WTF!

mmmmmm. I only ate half - thanks lap band!

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday ~ Nutrition Appointment

Wow ~ This weekend flew by.  Here is a little re-cap...
Thursday - Super long day worked until 7pm
Friday Mountain Bike at 6am ~ work all day until 8pm
Saturday - Fireworks at the beach by my house - best day of the year!!
Sunday - took a mental health day ~ 
~ Cleaned the house then spent the rest of the day at the beach - then had fresh pesto pasta with friends
~ a perfect day

Tonight I have an appointment with the nutritionist at my Drs office. I'm hoping she can help me because shit has been out of control!  As soon as the weather got cooler here, my band loosened up and I got really hungry!  I've also been feeling like a lazy ass.  Maybe she has some good advice for supplements and new ideas for nutrition. I'm not counting on it as every time I went before surgery, she didn't have that much to offer and I was educating her on vegetarian/vegan dishes.  I think that the nutritionists that work at the weight loss clinic are so used to working with people that live on McDonalds and Applebees that they have standard answers and ideas and most of the ideas involve chicken and eggs and and processed foods.  I guess we shall see this evening..and wile I'm there, I may just happen to fall into to TARGET and happen to acquire a sun dress or too...
Stay tuned for the results...
And here is my photo montage from the weekend....

This is my fantasy out door living room - this house is for sale for 2.4M

Boats filling the harbor for fireworks

Waiting for the fireworks

I never get tired of taking this shot

Yep thats an 8foot sand shark one of the fisherman found in his trap where we swim - eek!

Waiting for fireworks - I may be a little drunk...

yesterday at the ocean - perfection 

Ta daaaa!  New Bathroom!  Just waiting on the glass and fixtures and its done!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ten things Thursday!

Thanks Laura!  My favorite day of the week is here!!

1.  Got my new sneakers so I'm heading out for my first run in what seems like forever - gonna squeak out 3 miles...

2. I finally went to the beach this week ~ It was so nice to plunk down on the beach with a good friend and a lot of Cosmo quizzes - like junk food for the brain

3.  Went in the ocean and swam - ahhh - so thats why everyone vacations here -

4.  I have to remember to treat my life like i'm on vacation with a bit of work thrown in not the other way around....

5.  Went road riding 2x so far this week - rode in traffic and conquered a big fear of mine...

6.  Damn if those Tony Robbins tapes aren't helping!

7.  I am so thankful to be working with a person that really pushes me outside of my comfort zone - I need to grow a bigger set and he is totally helping me do that
- I always operate from a place of wanting to people to like me and making them happy - in this business that is a bad place to come from - I have to start asking for what I want and going for it.  This carries over to all areas of my life!

8. Met up with my two oldest friends yesterday at a horse show in Sagaponack ~ It was nice to see everyone and so good not to have to stay and work!

9. The 1% is just fine this summer - that I know for sure

10.  If you get a chance - ck out Amy's Blog My Bohemian Burble - she is super cool and positive!

11a - I leave you with photos from my week - because I love my iphone and cant stop with the pictures!
Road Bike on Subaru  ~ The Subs was all confused..

My friends named their house - the WTF ranch.

This is Seamus - 6mo old bassett ~ he needs a home..

Seamus needs a forever home - my friend's foster 
Random text working on my holy shit list - still trying to meet the dali lama!!

My office on Tuesday

These weigh like nothing ~ heading out in 2 mins for the maiden voyage!

Me n the girls at the Sag horse show

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

How do I know?

That I have been in denial?   Because yesterday I abstained from sweets and ended up with a slamming headache that is still kicking this morning.  
What does that say?
That I have been cracked out on the chocolate, treats and garbage for the past few weeks.  Yup that's right - been rewarding myself with the shiz.
I'm working on a paradigm shift (Thanks Tony Robbins:).  
As we all know the weight loss is a numbers game ~ thanks Ronnie for this post.  
We also all know - at least those of us that have been in the game for a while - it's a mental game.  You can't even play the numbers game unless your mind is right.
Having a lap band has been 50% physical for me and 50% mental...sometimes I feel like I have a phantom band around my brain.  The best way to get fills in my brain band is to do the emotional/mental work.  
For me, that means a few things.
1. Why am eating? 
2. Trying to break the associations that I have with the triggers
3. Attaching a pleasure response to abstaining from certain foods and a "pain" response to immediate gratification
4. Slowing the eff down

So now I'm off to get on the bike this morning and ride through the pain of this headache for the pleasure of those endorphins.  Exercising my mind is way harder than exercising my steps, baby steps

Sunday, July 15, 2012

On the Road Again...

5:30 Sunday Morning before a day full of appointments I am up, pounding coffee, drinking a shake and psyched to get on the road bike...what that what?
Did I just say that?  The tour must be getting to me....
I am actually looking forward to it because once again I'm going out with the pros who are kind enough to drag me along...and because I'm so over ticks.   I got another 5 bites this week after going in the woods once...grrrr - so itchy.   

I've been listening to Tony Robbins lately..pretty inspiring (I guess thats his job haha).  He keeps me calm when I'm navigating  through the chaos of the Hamptons weekend.  He has a lot of valuable information that can be applied to all areas of my life - but the big light bulb went off when he was talking about the pain/pleasure response and that is basically how we are motivated.. Like going for the immediate pleasure of eating froyo and associating making healthy decisions with pain...I'm working on turning that around.  
Associating making good food choices with pleasure and good feelings and bad choices with pain.  
It worked for my co worker - he used to cringe every time his phone rang anticipating an annoyance or a problem - so he changed his ringtone to this happy little tune and now he loves answering the phone..or as he puts it ~ "I'm answering the shit out of this now"  Hells yes!   So now I'm trying to rewire my brain ~ easy no?

Gotta go get on the bike...Woop whoop!  
I'm definitely getting Athena tattooed for my birthday...just have to figure out where and what version of her... I almost want to have an arrow tattooed on my arm..but that is a big commitment....just saying.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Brought to you by the lovely Laura ~ Check her out- she Rules!

1. Feeling better today, I'm about to get on the bike and shake out my legs.

2. Going Paddle Boarding this afternoon - I like to call it "active tanning"  but since I can't be in the sun - I'll be rocking a serious sun hat. 

3. Thought I could take today so much.

4.  Ronnie is inspiring me to try Keto - and you can do it veg too.
Check out her new blog here - she is one of the most awesome people!

5.  I am still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it is the middle of July already and  I have yet to spend a day at the beach.

6.  Monday night we went out to celebrate a friends b-day ~ it was awesome for many reasons but most of all - all the crazy obnoxious tourists had left so we had Cyril's to ourselves -they have a famous drink ~ the BBC - Baileys Banana Colada - toss a floater on it and all is right with the world  - I'm pretty sure it has no calories too. :)

7. I'm wondering if I'll ever pull my head out of my ass and get these last 20 pounds off ~

8. New running shoes have been ordered and I can not run until I get them so there is my excuse for that

9.  I'm trying to plan my birthday extravaganza and have a few ideas ...but nothing solid yet  - thinking of mountain biking in Montauk followed by swimming then sunset dinner on the beach? Or going to get a tattoo of Athena?  Or turning my phone off and have a tech free day - it even possible?  

10.  The tile is on the floor in the new bathroom and Mo has started to prime our new master bedroom - I am not allowed to paint -I can not color in the lines.....

Here are some photos of my week so far

Cyril's BBC

The Birthday at Cryils

Sunset Monday over Three Mile Harbor

Yep - Thats how I stay out of the sun - my office can be sunny :)

This was what was parked across from office yesterday - I think its a Lotus - looks like a toy car

Progress in the Bathroom

Evidence of Last Week's crash ...slow to go away

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Be Careful what you wish for

I wished to be busy and successful in my work - 
I am definitely busy - so busy that I can not take a day end in sight.  I can only believe that success is right around the corner.  
This is awesome ~ Visualize it and it will be so.

There is a small glitch in the situation ~ I may or may not have Lyme Disease...I am on Doxy right now and feel like I have had the shit kicked out of me...Slept last night from 6pm to 8am this morning.  Not like me at all..
Even worse is i have been using chocolate to make myself feel better - duh - I think the sugar crash is making it worse....
I had blood work done yesterday and will know next week if I do have the Lyme...such bullshit.
When on Doxy I can not drink or go in the sun...I will be living like a mole person for the next week and hopefully do not have the Lyme or else I have to stay on it for a full month...BALLS!

*** Those of you lucky enough to live where there are no ticks - Lyme is carried by the deer tick and causes all kinds of bullshit problems if not treated...since I am constantly bitten by ticks in the is a strong possibility that I have it....***

That is all for today.....

Sunday, July 8, 2012


First road ride is on the books ~ 
Review - not too bad - I enjoyed it...but I only like going super fast and passing people...just riding along the road is kinda boring - very little threat of death.... 
We went for 17 miles ~ I learned how to get on the wheel of the person in front - how to jump and overtake and chase down a rider that was fun.  The girls I rode with were both pro riders a few years back so I was learning from the best.  
Would I do it again....sure.  Would I do it all the time..nah  ~ I like getting dirty.

Borrowed Titanium IF compac whatchamacallit

The mastermind behind the plan ~ Sinead - the pro

The pro showing off her tiny arse

The two pro racers I rode with ~ so kind and teaching me how to ride

I refuse to admit I was on the road

Yep - still fighting the spandex bandwagon - Baggies for life!