Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Last Week 186.4
This Week 186.6
 Gain .2

I know why this happened....

I'm pulling myself together after a bit of a relapse.  I know it started Friday night after my MTB ride - we rode for 2 hours and then were starving so stopped and got Mexican food - nachos, fish tacos and quesadillas...It seems I completely forgot about my eating plan that night... did the flour tortillas and cheese trigger cravings?  You bet your ass it did.
The nutella incident of Sunday night was a wake up call and I got right back on with my plan - high protein, veggies and lots of water.

Yesterday I went MTB at lunch with my bike buddy.  We rode fairly hard and had a great time - just wondering where the hell spring is?  - 45 degrees and raining when we rode....#bullshit

I'm loving the app "twogrand" that Dinnerland turned me onto - its like instagram for healthy food... very cool!

Yesterday - I ate -coffee, 2 eggs, 3 oz salmon, 1/2 cup shrimp salad, decaff soy misto, and small package of almonds....I forgot about dinner b/c we went to the movies... 

Overall the day was a victory - I had to fight through some pretty intense cravings but made it to the other side.
- exercise - check.  Food - fairly good - need to eat more veggies

Monday, April 28, 2014

Keeping it real

Happy Monday...I woke up feeling like I was hit by a bus.. why? 
Because I had nutella last night....not a bit, not a dab but a full blown binge - spoon in the jar and ate until I felt sick.

Its all about the journey.  I don't drink much anymore b/c I hate the feeling the next morning - now I know nutella and all of its transfat bullshit does the same thing to my body.  Knowledge is power.

Today - eggs, fish, veggies and more veggies.  Then Mountain bike. 

 Even S'mai knows that Nutella is bullshit
 Surfers in the water yesterday morning - its freezing but spring is slowly coming...

Morning Beach View


Friday, April 25, 2014

Ten Things Friday

1. Riding was awesome - I'm not half as sore this week
2. Stress is a constant these days with work but I'm managing it better than before

3. Food - Still Rockin that protein train - Binge free for a long time and sober from candy for even longer...

4.  Client dinner last night - I had the salmon - 1 glass of champagne and NO dessert... i did have piece of bread.. not hating on it..

5. Yesterday I went out MTB bright and early - and was done by 9 - it felt awesome - I rode some trails that I hadn't been on in over a year - its good for my brain to be challenged with new trails

6.  I love my  Mo - he is so good to me.

7.  I love my puppies 

8.   I plan on some MTB after work today 

9.  I still want to move to somewhere that I can have an avocado tree in my back yard...Ojai CA is still looking good. 

10.  Have a great DAY!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Last Week 187
This Week - 186.4
Loss of .6

I'm happy with this loss - although I'd rather see a whole pound - but I know how the process works and my body is evening out - and I'm building a bit of muscle with getting back mtb and riding horses again.  I believe its setting up for a bigger loss next week.  Onward with this plan that I can live with...three weeks in a row with a loss...

Happy Earth Day - a day late.  Yesterday we had our weekly work meeting in the woods mountain biking.  That sounds more progressive than it actually is- my biz partner /good friend and I decided to go MTB at a park about an hour away and work in the car on the way. Still a great day - 2 hours of riding.  
My legs still feel like lead.

Food - yesterday I had a minor set back with some crackers - I know exactly how/why it happened.  I was exhausted from the mtb ride and then Mo and I had a "discussion" - not quite an argument but my immediate reaction to confrontation is food.  Its obvious and happens 100% of the time.... I now notice it in the moment and am able to minimize the damage.  But wow - its like an automatic cause - effect.  Crazy.  Still have to work through that trigger.

Today -Is a big day at work - we have a pretty intense meeting with some potential clients.  Fingers crossed it goes really well.  
Then I've got a riding lesson after work.  Back on that horse - hoping I'm not as sore as last week....


Monday, April 21, 2014

Weekend Wrap Up

Easter Sunday was total bliss ~ 
Mo and I slept in till 9:30 - I got a full 12 hours of sleep - I love sleeping.  Neither on of us had to do anything yesterday - so we spent the day together.  We went mtb in mtk - I crashed - 2x in one week - not normal for me but I've been on my single speed and super out of shape so not surprising at all.  And whats spring without a few bruises!

No Easter candy here... I gotta say I was a bit jelly of all the FB pics of people's baskets and candy .. but instead we had a kick ass lunch post mtb- I ordered a side of asparagus instead of fries (who am I?).
Then we lounged around in the sun in the back yard and got sushi take out... 

A few victories this weekend - 
1. I went out with friends and skipped the margarita and instead of corn fritters and fried fish - had swordfish with capers and lemon and string beans.  
2.  When I got the snacky feeling instead of tearing into some carby stuff I had some PB and protein shake.  
3.  Scale is trending down..

I have a dinner date tonight with a good friend - I picked the restaurant and already know what I'm ordering.... planning ahead!

Happy Monday!

 Eddie and Smai on a morning romp
 Easter lunch w mo! - 
side of asparagus - main course seared scallop and salad
 Sunday Bloody Sunday - another crash
 I love spring!


Friday, April 18, 2014

Stress release

Yesterday was one of those roller coaster stress rides with work.  A deal I had in place almost was lost because of a last minute higher offer.  We managed to win out in the end but the back and forth was enough to send me into a binge.....
But ~ I didn't.

Instead, I had a protein shake for lunch and went mountain biking after work.  
It would have been just as easy to go to the bar and have a cocktail (sugar) or go eat something bad (sugar) but my body needed to work to get the built up stress out.  It was not a battle to make the decision to ride, it was a need.  
Things have changed inside me thanks to my pseudo Mediterranean/paleo plan.  Its become a way of life.  I'm not having to make decisions any more, its just how I live.  
Did I mention that I'm really happy?? 
I am.

My ride was tough last night - I'm so sore from riding that horse on Wednesday and it was a struggle to finish the regular bike route - but the ride was way more about getting my mind right than getting a great work out in.
And PS - I'm still really sore... but onward!

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Ten Things Thursday

1.  I went riding yesterday!  - It felt good to get back on the horse! Looking forward to more fun with Archie

2. Its cold again here but at least the sun is shining.

3.  Looking forward to Easter Sunday - we have no plans, no obligations - its perfect.  I'm going to celebrate by being out mountain biking in Mother Nature's free church with my phone turned off!

4.  Planning on Mountain Biking this afternoon - hope I'm not too sore from yesterday

5.  I think I'm going to have to add in some new foods...the same old is getting a tad boring ...more veggies

6. I hope Miss Lorie posts lots of horse and cow pictures after this weekend

7. Sloth is my spirit animal...planning a trip to Costa Rica for  next year to visit the Sloth sancutary...

8.  Living somewhere warm and sunny eventually is high on my list of life goals

9. My mom learned how to text and got an iphone....shocking.

10. Get outside and enjoy the almost spring!


Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Last Week 188.2
This Week 187
Loss - 1.2

Snow this morning....I could scream!  

Two things became clear to me this week.
1.  Time doesn't matter ~ I was missing someone that has left this world as I was out biking and then it hit me,  we are all connected and always will be.  This small amt of time that we are not in the same world doesn't matter.  Deep but comforting.
2. When things feel out of control and hopeless the universe will catch you.  Never forget that.   I guess thats a form of faith...

Today I'm getting back on the horse...Literally.  I have a riding lesson set for 2:30. Its been years since I last rode.  Wish me luck, I'll be sore tomorrow.

Food update:
 No Hunger.  I'm still in shock that its working.
I feel like I've found the holy grail...a bit dramatic...I know.  
We went to dinner on Sunday and I had a "normal" meal - including garlic knots, cheese cake and wine...shockingly this didn't trigger cravings or a binge the next day.  Instead - I forgot to eat until 2pm on Monday.   

Whats working:
Staying away from sugar
No Dairy
No processed food/carbs.
Being mindful when I eat

What I'm eating these days:
Salmon - yum - lots of it.
Sauteed veggies 
Some salad - I'm starting to like salad...a little bit.
Some smoothies - with almond milk/banana/almond butter/berries
Lentil soup

Monday, April 14, 2014

Weekend wrap up

I took the Sunday off!  

YAY!  It was much needed - the weather was perfect so off Mountain Biking I went.  
The woods are so peaceful, I rode for two hours all over and took in the vistas and the sunshine.  
Followed that up with lunch with a good friend and then dinner out with a group of our friends.  I meant not to have wine, garlic knots or dessert - but all three happened. I'm not hating on it.  It was a cheat meal and I'm feeling like ass this morning because of it.  Note to self - not worth it.

Today the shit storm continues with work - Wish me luck ~ there are a lot of balls in the air that have to line up correctly for me to get a pay check... 

I think Spring is actually finally here!!  There are flowers blooming and birds chirping.  This year it feels so good after that wretched winter we just had... 

Why I love Mo ~ This was an exchange from yesterday morning.

Me:  Mo! I just had the most intense feeling in my gut that we should live in California!
Mo: Really.  Where?
Me: LaJolla or Ojai
Mo: Ok.  What would we do there?
Me:  I have no clue, I just know we should be there.
Mo: Ok, what do we do with our house?  Rent it?
Me:  Yes
Mo: Ok. I better get the fence fixed.

Ha!  He is so used to my random feelings and ideas. :) 

PS - I updated my ticker - so let the losing continue

Below are some pictures of what I've been up to and eating...notice lots  of veggies!  So not like me...:)

That morning walk I was talking about the other day

Mountain Bike Ride Saturday Afternoon

Palm Sunday Ride
Egg and veggies with avocado and spices

Shrimp and veggies

Hummus and Veggies

Saturday, April 12, 2014

I had to share this

As someone who used to binge on anything and everything, I always looked for low cal alternatives...
Once I came across a sugar free bag of chocolate.... 
That was a big mistake.....

There must be something about that fake sugar because the reviews  for sugar free gummy bears had me flashing back to that horrid day.

For some giggles - read all about it here

Friday, April 11, 2014

Ten Things Friday

1.  I am desperate to ride my bike but work had been getting in the way..I didn't get done until 8:30 last night.  

2.  I'm hoping this hard work is paying off...

3.  Making great food decisions left and right...who am I 

4.  Last night I could have gone to my friends bar and had fried shrimp and some drinks after work but instead I went grocery shopping and had a couple of eggs and asparagus 

5. Its so warm out - I just opened the window to yell at S'mai to stop barking and I'm shocked at the temp!   

6.  Its hard to yell at a dog when you mouth is full of oil....Yup I'm still oil pulling.

7. I'm definitely going for a walk/run this morning at least get in an hour of warm weather before hell breaks loose with work.

8.  Playing match maker tonight and trying to hook up two friends.  We are going to a kick ass restaurant that has kale chips on the menu and a a ton of local foods, veggies and even gluten free mac n cheese - for mo.  Looking forward to it.

9.  Dammit - Had I known - I mean listened - to you all out here in blog world who are paleo/grain free a while ago I would have been under control a long time ago...

10.  It seriously is working - no dairy, limited carbs, nothing processed.  So simple...its shocking.  

10a.  Yesterday I stopped into a drug store - you know the MEGA kind that has everything but the kitchen sink...maybe they have those too, I didn't have time to fully explore.  It occurred to me that I was in a store that is supposed to be for health in one way or another and the place is bursting with sugar!!! I had to walk a gauntlet lined with candy, reeses PB Easter eggs - my weakness - were calling to me.  I texted Miss Laurie for help - she said no wonder its full of sugar - sugar IS a drug and I was in a drug store.  HAHA - funny but true.  I made it out of the store with two brushes and a few hair clips.... Vanessa 1 Sugar this battle... thanks Lorie!

10 b.  I think the day is coming when sugar will be treated like a drug and maybe will be locked away behind the counter like cigarettes..

11.  Going to get my hair re-glazed this morning ...its turning a horrid shade of orange barf...  

 Enjoy this day!  Its beautiful! At least here it is.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Last Week 192.6
This Week 188.2

4.4 pounds in one week - thats the biggest loss I've had since I have no idea - a year and a half ago?? I love when a plan works!

I crushed it this week with food.  By that I mean - I stuck with protein and veggies 95% of the time.  And even more exciting, no cravings and I wasn't obsessed with food.  So yeah... I'm pretty darn happy.
I'm not quite paleo, def not atkins,  its my own version of the mediteranain diet.
Lots of fish - salmon, tuna, founder, shrimp and lots of roasted, sauteed veggies. Eggs with veggies in the morning are my favorite.  If I'm on the fly I'll have a smoothie - with protein powder, some fruit and a dollop of Almond butter. I eat nuts too but its not the kind of thing I can have around or I'll eat waaay too many.

Work is crazy and I'm thrilled because I need to make that $$.  My next day off will be sometime in May. 
Here are some pics from my last MTB ride...I love spring!!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

3 years - post op - my anniversary

3 years ago today it was April 5th 2011-

I had done liquids for 7 days and I would have only consumed clear liquids all day today in prep for the big event.

I was so excited, nervous, determined, done with what I knew, hopeful and ready to begin a new life.

Its only been three years since I got my lap band and yet it feels like a lifetime. 

Have I been successful? 
The short answer is yes.  I would consider it a success as the main reason I went forward with the band was to ease my depression.  I was suicidal at the time and the surgery was my last hope.  I was done with the battle at the time.

I also knew that I needed to change my image for work.  The truth about my industry is that people don't respect or trust you if you are a schlubby mess.  Which, at the time, I was.

Am I happy that I got my band?  You bet.  I regret nothing and am thrilled that I now know what its like to be a healthy weight and to eat well.  

Where am I now?

As you may know I am currently battling re-gain.  35 pounds of regain to be exact.  
The good news is, I'm turning this around slowly.  I continue to believe that the universe makes us repeat lessons until we get them right. 

Its no longer all about my food, my exercise, my weight, my drama, my cravings, me me me me.  Its about living life and being healthy.  Not all or nothing and then beating myself up.  Its about functioning within guidelines.  

I'm identifying triggers and trying like hell to let them pass until I am actually hungry - the big ones for me are - confrontation, dissappointment and annoying people. 

The most recent discovery has been eating more paleo and staying off of processed foods, sugar and non veg/fruit carbs - this has blasted away cravings... 

Where am I going?

Hopefully I'm heading toward more of the NOW.  Because Now, I'm happy, healthy and in love with my husband.  This moment is pretty perfect.  I'm trying to hold on to it without squeezing too tight that I keep change out. Because change is always good. 

What do I know for sure?
Exercise is the key.
Finding a sport you love and going for it is the best way to stay exercising.
A number on the scale does not define me - its a way to measure progress, or lack there of.
Slider foods are EVIL and you can gain 35 pounds with a band that is tight. 
Falling into the social butterfly trap had a lot to do with my regain. 
Protein and Veggies.  Protein and Veggies.  Protein and Veggies. 

Christmas 2012 - 156

VT 50 2010 - 215

Valentines day 2012 158?

Before and after
This week ... 192.

Friday, April 4, 2014

When Pigs Roam Free...


View from open house

Me and my co worker hamming it up at an open house
Oink at lunch

Oink runs these streets!
Yesterday was sooo nice!  65 degrees!  Sunshine!  

We ended up seeing a bunch of open houses and then heading to Montauk for lunch.  
There is a town pig that roams free...her name is Oink.   I am totally in love.
I love pigs and know they are just as smart as dogs if not smarter (thats why i think its gross to eat them!!!)
Oink wanders into town every day from her house about a half mile away and hangs out in the garden of the local health food store.
We had lunch at the picnic table with Oink...
Now I really want my own farm with pigs and fainting goats!  
PS - lunch was salad and hummus - still on plan!

Thursday, April 3, 2014

10 Things Thursday

1.  Daam right I went MTB yesterday afternoon.  Sunny and 55 bitches

2.  This protein veggie plan is really cravings and I'm not hungry... hmmmm

3.  Yesterday this is what I ate:
         - breakfast - detox drink with kale, ice, ginger, Cayenne, 
           turmeric,lemon  and an egg fritata 
         - Lunch  - a few bites of kale salad and roasted squash - had  
            a very hard time eating this.... no bueno
         - Dinner -  Cedar Plank cooked salmon and mixed peas and  
            carrots - YUM!
         - Snack - kale chips 

4. Work is getting better and busier.. yay :)

5. I love flipping out - its the best show ever on Bravo - JLewis is my hero

6. Oil Pulling  is definitely working for me..  My mouth feels healthier and and my teeth are def whiter - :)

7. I have a girls brunch this morning - having eggs and roasted veggies with avocado and siracha ..yum 

8.  I'd like to get in some more biking today but my sched looks sketchy....

9.  I see daffodils poking through the earth and the grass is starting to get greener.  Super smiley face about that!

10.  Have a great day!

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Weigh in Wednesday

Last Week 191.0
This Week 192.6
Gain 1.6 - keeping it real and accountable

Its finally spring like here today. They are saying that it might reach 52!!  WOW.  I plan on biking this afternoon and organizing my bikes for spring tune ups.  This week I did 0 working out.  The last class I took crippled me and then I lost my momentum.  Don't you hate when that happens?  
Food has been pretty good. I've been on plan - veggies and protein...and shockingly my cravings are gone.... hmmm am I on to something? 

Spring biking is about to be full on - We booked a vacation house over father's day weekend at Kingdom Trails in VT - so far, its me and 5 guys...hoping to rally some lady folk but I'm used to being one of the boys. The house is perfect - it overlooks the whole valley and you can ride out of the house onto the trail system.  Three whole days of riding!  The pressure is on big time to get back in top biking shape, lots of hills and mountains to go up and down.
Here is a pic from last year....I was in the 160s here... I want to be in the 170s this year when we go..