Monday, November 21, 2011

Mid binge......

I have just binged on a box of chocolates ~ wrappers surround my laptop and I am sad and disappointed. 
Lesson of the day ~ just b/c I had surgery does not mean I have cured my eating disorder.
 I will ride my bike tonight and I will run tomorrow and I will move forward and look at why this happened.  For this moment I need to remember that this is just a bump on the journey and I'm not a bad person b/c I fucked up.  I didn't kill anyone and I won't let this turn into a 3 day episode.

A little bit of Mary Oliver for the moment ~ one of my favorites:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes, 
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, 
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting  
over and over announcing your place 
in the family of things.

from Dream Work by Mary Oliver 
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver


  1. Oh sweetie, I hear you. It is true, the band does not cure the head. Only the appetite...and even that is variable. I think you have the right idea - meditate on it, see what comes up, but in the meantime, move on from it, and go on as you would normally. Just pick yourself up and move on. We all says alot that you came on here and wrote about it, so good for you...keep us posted, ok?

  2. Be gentle with yourself. You probably ate more than you should have. But it happened, and it's over. And people who have never had a weight problem have done the same thing. You're doing what makes sense by getting back on track tomorrow. It's a good reminder about less than perfect choices . . .keeps us humble along our journey. You have made amazing changes and amazing progress. Celebrate that. :-)

  3. I'm glad that you worked out to make up for the extra that you ate. It's definitely about balance. If we let ourselves have a treat than we need to only do it occasionally or eat really healthy/workout to make up for our indulgence. Glad you stopped it though and it didn't turn into something more.

  4. you're aware and correcting your behaviour - don't beat yourself up too bad!!

  5. I've been there...too often...and I admire your determination and your self-talk about keeping this in perspective. And love Mary Oliver too!