Pouch Test update and NSV

Day 2 ~ 5:33 pm ~
All good so far.  I am super proud that today when shit hit the fan with work stuff ~ I turned to the bottle (water) instead of food.  go me.  

Last night we went out for drinks with friends ~ I had lemon water .... go me again!



2 days of liquids is not that horrible  tomorrow is what I'm worried about...soft protein...I think its just tofu for me...you get to eat as much as you want all day as long as it is protein and you have 15 minutes to eat it in ....I seriously don't think I can eat that much tofu... Beans have carbs and I have no idea what else to eat that is just protein that does not come from an Animal.  


Yesterday I got a run in on the dread mill and today, nothing yet ~ Tomorrow is going to be really beautiful so I'll get out on the MTB first thing.  


This morning I went to Target and TJ Maxx ~ yes ~ size 8 jeans!  Ok, they are snug but honey badger don't care ~ they'll loosen up.  I tried on 10 dresses and all of them size 10 fit perfectly ~ its so cool to go shopping and have options and not just take the one that covers the most body!  I'll put photos up soon of the two I bought.  I almost bought red leopard hooker heals b/c they looked so cool w/my dress.  But I know me and I'll never wear them so I skipped them and got some more reasonable ones... lame. But I saved 30 bucks!


Wish me luck on day 3 ~ scrambled tofu for breakfast ~ and then .....


And I still haven't gone grocery shopping...its such a drag.  I will have a butler one day to do this for me.

Monday Weigh In Blows!

Because I am the HBIC of my life ~ I declare new weigh day to be Wednesday!


Why is it that Thursday I can weigh 156 and by Sunday I'm up to 159?  


It  is because I am not to be trusted around melted cheese and sugar.  This week is back to basics and to see if I really need a fill that is set for next week.  Do I really want to lose this last 20 pounds or am I dicking around and panicking about getting even more attention and more sass ~ Fear.  This is my monster (well that and sugar)
Everything you just read is an excuse ~ see below for plan this week.


Exercise ~ I got that shit 
Food ~ I need to get that shit (5 day pouch test)
Mental Game ~ I need to get a guru or something b/c this is a fail.  
Planning ~ Fail


Food ~ Monday and Tuesday ~ Liquids 
Wed ~ Mushies
Thurs ~ some solids
Friday ~ back to normal


Mental Game ~ Going to therapy


Planning ~ I hate grocery shopping.  I'll suck it up and do this tomorrow.

I'm just doin' me...

To say I've been a little obsessed with youtube videos lately would be an understatement.  I got sucked into "shit women say to personal trainers" and then it just spiraled out of control from there.  So yes....in my spare time I have been consumed by laughter and not paying much attention to blogger.  There I'm out now.  Actually, that's a load of crap.  I am in the middle of a relationship meltdown and have been zoning out with you tube instead of food.  Ok thats crap too...I have been pigging out so bad my band hurts.  Yes.      There ~ that's the truth.  I am soothing the pain and discomfort with food.  Arughggggh#$QW#$$$!!


So here's the whole truth ~ I have been running and feeling sassy and crushing on guys (did I mention I am married to a wonderful man?).  So I'm either feeling total rockstar~ ie full of myself and restricting calories and working that shit out ~ or I'm feeling alone and sad and feeding that hole with shit food.  The only saving grace is that the band does some damage control.  


I wish they talked more about this in the pre-op sessions about what life is like after the band when you wake up from the food coma and are all full of yourself looking at the grass on the other side of the fence.
So there ~ I'm out! 


The last time I worked out was Thursday ~ I don't know if you heard....but I ran really far.  :)  
Today work got in the way ~ how the hell do people balance that shit with a family?  Thank god I only have dogs....
Tonight I might run ~ or binge ~ or do both....sigh.  Last night I had mozzarella sticks for an app and mac n cheese for a main course...I could only get in two fork fulls but seriously ~ what tha FUDGE!


Tomorrow I have a baby shower to go to.  So not my scene ~ thank god someone told me not to bring liquor...instead I got her a gift card for a massage ~ registry shopping is so predictable ~ I might still bring her a good Barolo or some Champagne.  I'm going to try and start the 5 day pouch test and keep my shit clean for the party ~ just say  no to dip and anything that has melted cheese on it. 


So Ladies ~ that's the long and short of it.  Trying to do damage control and not fuck up my whole life.


Love that you guys are loosing and keeping me inspired ~ Hell yeah shout out to Robin, Miss Lorie and Cat!  You girls are Crushing it!!!  Here are some funny ass links to the videos that have been cracking me up ~ and yes, they are stereotype humor so no anonymous complaints ! I'm not PC and hope to never be.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GMCkuqL9IcM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmQN8eMeKBw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5MJbZ4l4J8&ob=av3e

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aosMsYWzKzs

10 Things Thursday

1. I ran 7.75 miles today. 2. I ran 7.75 miles today! 3. I was really tired from running so far 4. Life is confusing and messy but I'm doing my best to keep my chin up. 5. I've been slacking on blogging and reading blogs...sorry. 6. I love that Ronnie Blogs about dating...you go on with your honey badger ways! 7. Tax season is upon us and I have to enter all my statements into quick books since may 2011....slack much? 8. I ran really far today 9. Have I told you ladies how much you rock and inspire me? Well you do! And I love you all! 10. The future is terrifying and exciting.

Keeping it Real

Just out here looking for advice...
Have any of you ~ perhaps those of you who have reached goal ~ noticed a shift in your relationship with your significant other.  I'm being pretty vague here..I'm just trying to adjust to the "new me" and that means being treated differently by everyone ~ and getting attention from people (men) that I never would have had.  I'm struggling a bit and feeling more and more like a fireball and I know that's just a temporary thing until I get used to this new body.  Not sure what I'm trying to say ...just wanted to reach out to the sisterhood and see if you all have had any struggles and how you dealt with them...any input would be most appreciated.
~ Athena 

Weigh in ~ GAIN Muth@#$%%^^^&&@@#### Blleeeeeep!

Start ~241

Today ~ 159.6

Last week 158.2

GAIN 1.4 

So the damage has been done.  A weekend of snow ~ pigging out and a night out on the town ~ I couldn't turn down those vodka cranberry drinks...urgh or wine when watching the game...

This morning  did a fast 4 mile run on the road ~ repenting for my sins.

Back to water water water water and no carbs!  I just want to see 155 for a weigh in...that would rock!

OH and I got to do my snow ride over the weekend too....major trudge but so worth it!

Snow Day.

Have I ever told you how snow makes me hungry?  And how uncertainty makes me hungry? 


I have been Bingey Binge Alot this week.  Skerred of the scale I won't know the damage till Monday morning.  Lets just say that the day started off with Toll House cookies fresh from the oven with coffee....It felt right at the moment. Now, I'm second guessing that decision.
Today was supposed to be my long run day...but I'm a pussy, so I'll not be running outside in the snow ~ I'll be mountain  biking instead.  


I broke ties with the people I had been working with ~ so I'm out on my own now ~ a little scary ~ hell yes. But Freedom feels right and I swear, if I saw one more email with the word "Functionality" in it I was going to uni-bomb some shit.


So to pump myself up for my new found freedom I am spending this snowy morning cleaning the house and purging it of all that is unnecessary.  The dogs are looking at me with nervous eyes...


Plan for getting back on track...
Water Water Water
Veggies
No Sugar for 24 hours
Enjoy the snow and rejoice  
Head down and work...all lights are ahead are green!

Ten Things Thursday

I'm starting Early today ~ Here you go!


1. I woke up thinking "I don't wanna!"
2. I read this Positively Positive blog Post
3. I'm gonna take this day and make it my Bitch! 
4. Going to the horse farm to do end of year book work ~ brrr 20 degrees and book work ~ me no likey.
5. Going to get my hair did and a mani pedi today 
6. Going to Naturopathica to get some new face cream ~ my face hurts because its so dry and I fear I am wrinkling by the second and soon my wrinkles will devour my eyes and nose and I will look like a Shar Pei puppy
7. I love my husband ~ he wants to take me away for a few days ~ I'll spend half my day day dreaming about that
8. I am constantly in shock that the rest of the world doesn't think like me...you'd think by now I'd have gotten comfortable with it..
9. Time to make my career my own and get out from underneath the Mothership....this is scary but I think all signs are pointing this way ~ 
10. I am jealous of my dogs today ~ they have dragged their beds close to the heater and will spend most of the day napping in the sun beams under the window.  
11.  Bonus ~ Underneath all of this cheer and hopeful outlook ~ I am twisted balls cranky ...there I said it ~ what the hell Thursday?   

Dreaming Big!

Whats next on the Bucket List? 

Become an athlete

Get a handle on my weight issues

Work for myself

Weigh in

~Weigh in ~ 
Start Weight ~ 241
Last Week ~ 160.2
This Week ~ 158.2
Loss of ~ 2 pounds! 
Total loss ~ 82.8


This is a huge loss for me!  I can't remember the last time I had such a solid loss.  Off to work I go feelin' like a true Honey Badger.  
Lessons from this week ~ no wine = loss
                                    ~ running = loss
                                    ~ cutting out sugar = loss
                                    ~ cutting out carbs = loss
                                   ~ tracking calories = loss
                                   ~ drinking water = loss 


And just because I love pimps:

Who is that Pink Biotch? 

A love letter...and response = NSV

THIS WAS THE EMAIL I WOKE UP TO ON THIS FINE SATURDAY MORNING AS I AM ABOUT TO GO OUT IN 32 DEGREE WEATHER AND DO MY LONG RUN....

Dear Vanessa ,

One year ago, you ordered the following product from Zappos.com:

Levi'® Plus Plus Size 512â Perfectly Shaping Boot Cut - Impromptu - 20W/Medium

We wanted to let you know that right now, your size is still available from Zappos.com. You can order the same product again by visiting......


THIS IS MY RESPONSE: 


Dear Zappos,


I love you.  I love you for many reasons but right now I love you for reminding me that one year ago I was shopping for size 20W jeans.  Thank you letting me know how far I've come. However, I won't be ordering that size anymore, If you have something in a 10 or and 8 please keep me posted.  You see, last winter I took control of my life and will never again need a size 20.
I would love to ramble on here, but have to go running.


Cheers,
Vanessa

Endorphins ~

Just a quick update to my 10 things Thursday post ~ I got my ass on the Dreadmill last night and did a tempo run ~ 5K @ 33 min ~ bad mood gone ~ weekend here (working all weekend) ~ ready to bring it!
Exercise is a miracle mood drug....
Today ~ I've got boot camp ~ woo hoo!

Ten Things Thursday

1. I am cranky
2. I haven't worked out in 2.75 days
3. See 1
4. I feel guilty b/c I haven't taken the dogs to the beach in 2 days and I think they are sad (crazy lady)
5. I have been eating like a pig in heat (I don't know that pigs eat more when they are in heat ~ it sounded good)
6.  I flippin' love the Geico commercial with the piglet on the zip-line "pure adrenalin" weeeeeeee
7.  See 1
8.  After watching a video on Proofwlsworks youtube I think I might change my goal to 160 and call it a day.
9. I was just offered a cleaning job for 25 bucks an hour cash 40 hours a week ~ in an 8000 sq ft house I turned it down b/c a) I don't know how to clean and b) I still believe that I could make it selling Real Estate
10.  I have ADD and cannot pay attention when people drone on about shit that doesn't involve me ~ Self centered much?
11. See 1

Figuring it out

First of all ~ I have the cold ~ you know, the one that everyone has.  I never get sick, but yesterday I said uncle, worked from home and vegged out on the couch.  
No exercise ~ which is fine b/c I scheduled in a rest day but then SFG (sick fat girl took over) ~ you know that big baby version of yourself that feels sorry for herself and soothes the sickness with food.
Urgh!!!!  I even talked my husband into making a cake to "celebrate" my sub 30 5K ~ in what world does that make sense??? 
So I felt like shit all night from the cold.  And woke up at 6 to run still feeling like shit.  I reset the alarm and stayed in bed.  I got up finally around 7:30 feeling bad ~ not just cold bad but tired and cranky ~ so what did I do?  I had 2 slices of cake with my coffee and started to watch the biggest looser!!  Wow ~ was I just revisited by the ghost of fat Vanessa or what!!  


This what I just learned from it ~
1. Cake goes in the garbage now
2.  I felt like shit b/c I had crappy cake in my system last night 
3. Sugar is the devil and that's why I was craving cake for breakfast
4. I have to break this cycle right now @ 8:20 in the morning before it gets any worse
5. Tell Mo not to say yes when I wine about needing a cake ~ what am I 4?
6. I am not in a place where crap can live in the house ~ Still working on my fat girl rules see Loosingitwithrebecca great video also check out lizlovesherlapband ~ she did a great response.
7.  Big ups to all you guys out there loosing it while living in houses where there is crap food that you could have but you choose to say no every day ~ I'm just not there yet ~ I have to live in a "safe zone".


My friend Emi and I have a way of dealing with these type of situations but usually applies to being in the car ~ where we will toss whatever we are eating out the window so not to continue (sans wrapper ~ no litter bug here)   Do you think the neighbors will look at me funny if I start chucking cake out the window of my house?  I'm about to!!!

WFG must be punished and Weigh in...

Or that's what I was thinking this morning when I decided to go for a run ~ 34 degrees 8am on the road and bam! there it is ~ Sub 30 5K!  Quien es tu papi?  Yo Soy tu papi! Yeah ~ spanglish is my second language....

Weigh in this morning @ 160.2 = + .2 ~ which is balls b/c on Saturday I saw 158 ~ thus is my point of punishing the weekend fat girl.  2 slices of pizza and fro yo?  Who are you?  I was in a horrible mood until after my run.  Now ~ all good.  Working today and then..... yes, a FULL MOON Mountain Bike Ride out in Montauk along the coast.  I will try my hardest to keep the rubber side down this time. 

SUB 30 5k ~ FIRST EVER!!! WOOO HOOOO!

Humble Pie

After spending the week doing everything right and watching my calories and working my ass out, I fell off the wagon.  One of my worst sins was buying candy at the grocery store checkout ~ I used to do it every damn time I went shopping ~ pre-op ~.  I haven't done it in a while but for some reason I was running around last night on my way to the party ~ buying tots~ and boom ~ there it was, a shiny little package begging me to eat it ~ twix! WTF!  I did what I swore I wouldn't do again ~ scarf down candy in the car mindlessly.  urgh.
No more grocery store for me..cant control the beast! 
Oh and new fun fact ~ tots do not go down.  yep got stuck at the party ~ luckily while everyone was in the dark watching the movie, I snuck down to a bathroom and pbd up some dang tots.  oh well ~ can't say its bad thing, just unfortunate timing.  I still managed to insert a piece of cake before the night was through.  
Calorie count for the day was 2300+ ~ yikes ~ so much for the deficit I created with all that running....


This morning I repented for my sins at Sunday Mass.   Having lentils and rice for lunch and will keep my calories minimal tonight ~ I'd like to come in around 1500.  Oh yeah ~ keeping track of calories is new to me this year...

Sunday Mass

Wine and water... ~ new sweater from Target ~ medium!

DANG TOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

What are you gonna do today, Napoleon?

Pretty much, whatever I feel like GOSH!


Today might just be the greatest day EVER!  The weather is perfect ~ sunny and almost 60!  I ran 5.5 miles ~ scale said 158 ~ boooyah mf! Oh and tonight we are going to a Napoleon Dynamite Party!
Yes, that's right  ~ we will be having Tots, Dang Quesadillas and a cake built by Pedro.  
I'm super psyched ~ its like my favorite movie.  

BYOC

BYOC Duuuuuuuuudes….BYOC is back after a small holiday hiatus....thanks to the lovely Draz Yup, Bring Your Own Crazy returns!
It is 5 little questions you can answer in your own blog to give your blogging brain a break and to get to know each other better. Copy, paste and enjoy!
 Let’s do a holiday/new year themed BYOC today!

 1. How do you feel about NY resolutions? Do you make them? Do you forget about them quickly? Do they help you?
 I don't usually make them but this year I made "goals" and so far they are helping!

 2. Did you put up a Christmas tree? How many? Is it still up?
 Heck no! I put a red bow on a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream....way more usefull than a Christmas tree!

 3. How many total Christmases did you choose to have to attend outside of your home?
 Three. My parents, my inlaws and my best friends big Itallian Family Christmas Eve ~ hands down the winner of the three!

 4. What are you most looking forward to this year? Being the woman I want to be. And letting go of having something hold me back....the lights ahead are all green, it's go time!

 5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blogland this week. 

Real life has been good. Lots of running and biking. Had an epic night ride under the moonlight last night and flipped over the handlebars resulting in an epic crash! So much fun! Went shopping at target for new clothes...size 10s and all medium shirts! Booyah! Food has been good and am still off the booze.

 Blog life is good, been trying to keep up with everyone, lots of blogging going on this week! I am also trying to limit the time I spend reading blogs to a few hours a day.

Ramble on....

Its Wednesday.  Day 2 of my new work ethic.  Its been easy for 2 days showing up to the office and putting in a full 8 hr day....thats because its flippin 20 degrees here! No way in hell am I going out on the bike in this arctic air!   I loathe gyms and working out indoors but today I had to suck it up on get on the dreadmill then do some trx at home.  urg ~ no fun but I got my sweat on! It is Work out Wednesday after all ~ right Cat!  
I'd like to think I can keep up with the working 8 hours and working out ~ but who knows when the weather gets nice....I may be called to get "sweet air" out on my mtb.  Ah well, I'll live in the moment that I'm now in and just stay committed.
I have been thinking a lot about the quote that greenie put up the other day (I can't for the life of me remember what her blog is called or I wouldda linked to it ~ sorry, I suck)  ~ the one from sex in the city ~ 
about letting go of who you were to make way for who you will be ~ or something along those lines.  This year is all about moving forward making change happen and clearing out life to make room for what I really want.  Behave like the woman I want to be!  Yes ~ that girl ~ Athena!  
Would Athena feel insecure? NO!  Would Athena wonder all day long "what if I fail at this"?  Uh Hell to the NO!  Would Athena allow other people to bring her down and hold her back? Hell to the Mutha Effin NO!  
Just live like you are at the finish now.  
Ok that was a long ramble..... more for me than you guys......moving on.


Food this week ~ going well ~ not eating crap ~ off the booze
Exercise ~ duh.....
Water ~ thank god I am near a bathroom and have no shame peeing in the woods
Calories ~ eh ....could be lower but honey badger loves her peanut butter and honey on a spoon ~ **note to self ...must stop that***
Veggies ~ what tha veg?  I have NOT been eating any veg !  I forget about veg and fresh fruit all the time...what the hell!  Goal tomorrow ~ eat 1 veg and 1 fruit!!  get it done !


Happy Hump Day!  and yes, I am super jealous of anyone who lives in a warm climate right now ~ and would be happy to come and stay with you till the end of the winter....I'm pretty clean and house broken ~ I don't snore and I'm a leo, I like long runs on the beach....

First Weigh in of 2012

Start Weight ~ 241
Last Week ~ 161.2
This Week ~ 160.0
LOSS 1.2
Total down ~ 81 pounds


I have moved weigh in to Monday to keep me in check over the weekends.


I'm not scared anymore.  It just occurred to me that I am not the same person I was last year.  Last year the weight would have started to creep up at the holidays and then just keep going.  I would have said screw it and gone into hibernation mode and eaten myself into a depression.
This year~ yes I had a slight gain over the holidays, so do millions of people.  The difference is this year, I am right back on track.  I know how to handle it and have a plan, and reading everyone's 2012 goals is a huge motivator!  Love you Bloggers!  And those before pictures from yesterday scared me shitless! 


Plan for the week:
Sunday ~ MTB 9.5 Miles, Run 2.5 ~ done
Monday ~ Run 5 miles ~ done
Tuesday ~ Rest
Wednesday ~ Strength Training/Treadmill (urgh, its going to be balls cold here so inside I go)
Thursday ~ MTB
Friday ~ Boot Camp
Saturday ~ Run/Bike
Sunday MTB

Photos ~ 2010/2011 and Today 2012!!

OH DAMN!

VT 50 mile 30 ~ 2010 ~ Daaaam! I was probably 210 here...I was 241 when I had surgery.

Post ride rest 

VT 50 Sept 2010 ~ daaaam ~ I was 30 pounds heavier when I had my surgery on April 6th 2011

NY Day 2012

Biker Warrior ~ nut case!

Me sans double chin with Mo and Jeanine 

Me n Jeanine

This is what is my head today ~ I wanna be a baller ~ I think it means something different for me than Lil Troy ~ but its all honey badger to me! Hallah!