Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday Monday Monday

Let the point system begin today!  
Yesterday was an epic fail - but while I was failing I recognized why.  Instead of hiding my shameful candy binge, I will leave the empty wrapper (m&ms and mr goodbar) in my car right there in the console as a reminder that I am better than that.  There are no good excuses but I know what set it off - a visit to my family sans Mo (who is playing golf @ Pinehurst for the week).

Moving on - for the first time in weeks I have that need to run this morning! woo hoo!  I am also relishing being a single girl this week - so nice to have the house to myself.

Yesterday started so great - I went out for a mtb with the intention of riding hard for 16 miles and then I bumped into my friends so I ended up tagging along with them on a "vista cruise" - it was great for my spirit - not a great calorie burn but it is what it is.

This is where we rode to.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Reward system a la Cat!

Thanks Cat for putting this together! Everyone loves a treat - just have to make the reward not Food! If anyone wants to read the whole concept of the plan go here where Cat spells it all out - I'm just tweaking it to my lifestyle. 

How I earn points:

Exercise-30 mins or more (1 pt for every 30 mins)
Exercise-meet expectation for that days workout (1 pt possible)
Calorie Count- 1400 or less (1 pt possible to earn.  Can go negative 1 pt for every 1-99 calories over target)
No sugar snacks (1 pt possible to earn.  Can go negative 1 pt for every 1-99 calories of sugary snack)
Protein - 65 g or more (1 pt possible to earn)
Water - 64 oz or more (1 pt possible to earn)

Earn Bonus Points:
Earn 1 point or more in all 6 categories earn 1 bonus point for the day
35 points for the week earn 1 bonus point
40 points for the week earn 2 bonus points

Points needed to earn rewards:
Movie-100 pts (around $10)
Pedicure-200 pts (around $30)
MTB Jersey -400 pts (around $60)
Massage -600 pts (around $100)
$200 clothes shopping-1000 pts
Trip in to NYC -2000 pts (around $300-$500)

Saturday, April 28, 2012



I got to thinking the other day while out on my long run. As one does. The difference a year can make. Not just in the scale or clothes, but in language. The language I use with friends and my inner dialogue. A year ago when I would use the word "half" it was usually a half of a bottle of wine, or half of a pizza. Now half means half marathon or I only had half of a slice of pizza or half of a sandwich or half of a pound loss. 

"Time". I use to wonder if it was time to eat, or Time to open a bottle of wine, is it time for dessert? How much longer do I have to run..will this time pass quickly? Now time is something to Improve upon. 
 Speed ...didn't exist to me. Now I want it. I use phrases like "speed work" Splits and negative splits.. I want to be fast, I am thinking about speed  more than "is my ass all jiggly when I run" "are people staring at the fat girl?". Now when I run I actually think about form..and performance...what ? 
 A year ago if you told me that I would make a plan with a friend that went like this: "wanna run in the morning?". "sure, 5 @ 8:30 ok?" "what pace?" I would have said what language are you speaking? This was my text from last night..and that is what I'm about to go five miles in the trails with a friend. I used to meet friends for brunch and spend lots of TIME thinking about ording muffins or pancakes, I would eat with SPEED, and not PACE myself and I would worry that my jeans would SPLIT or the chair would not hold my weight. I would never eat just HALF of a bagle .. That would be crazy! So..that's the difference a year makes in language...and my inner voice no longer shouts You Are Fat and Lazy. It cheers me on to go faster and live! I am a lucky girl....what a relief to have shut that voice down. Words are powerful especially the ones you speak to yourself.

Seeing the light!

I'm snapping out of my dark place...

After my depressing Ten Things Thursday, I realized that now it is up to me.  20 pounds...that aint shiz!  Even though these last 20 are like a steep steep climb that I have to tackle an inch at a can be done.  Thanks guys for your encouraging words its nice not to be alone in this place.

Yesterday, was a great day with food - planning once again is the key.  I have gone back to watching videos and basic food choices.

My exercise has been non existent - wtf?  i know - I'm a lazy ass these days..someone pointed out that maybe I am burned out on my usual can one be burnt out on MTB?  Its true...I need something new, exciting, and cheap.  So ideas are welcome - I may try yoga tomorrow...JRD has inspired me.  Here's to a great weekend and a huge push to the "finish line".

I can't say it doesn't hurt to have someone say "you want to loose 20 more?  where? you'll disappear"  But I know the truth..I want to feel good in my skin and right now...meh...

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

1. I am slipping - eating crap and feeling puffy

2. I talk a big game but have no motivation to do a damn thing about it

3. #2 is how I ended up getting surgery

4.  I think a marathon of watching Bandedwendy videos is order to set myself strait

5. I spent way too much $$ on fancy makeup and anti aging serum with Hylaronic Acid in it - and damn if I don't look extra pretty today!  It was with every penny!

6.  As I sit here there is a blump between me and the lap top - yes its my effin stomach - no me gusta

7.  I wish I had bottled the certainty that I would rock this journey back when I was crushing it - because I could use an infusion of some serious ass kicking

8.  Yes - some days I crave coming home to sit in my chair watch Deadliest Catch and binge eat...

9.  Today is one of those days - guess what I'm doing

10.  I am terrified that I am failing.  
10a.  That fear is only soothed when I eat and I forget about it for a moment
10b - I've got to turn this around now - what is it about the 1 year mark and complacency?  I see a lot of us here are struggling with  a gain and being stuck with some of our bad habits - LAP BAND GIRL - did you go through this?  How did you push past it?  Anyone out there that has been to this place and moved through it to goal...we could use a little mentoring right now!

Work out Wednesday -

***Does going to a bachelorette party via Limo for the Day in NYC Count for a work out?*****

I didn't think so.  But it was fun!  One of my Best Friends is getting married in two weeks!  We told her the sky was limit and lets go to NYC.  So many options, Drag Shows, Bars, Sights to See, Food to eat.  
She chose to go to the Lion King. "I'm sounds like you said you wanted to go the Lion King" - was my response.

I do love my best friend - because no way, not neva would you ever catch me in a crowed musical produced by Disney (evil empire). 

We then went out to dinner up town at a great restaurant and the chef sent out every desert on the menu for us in honor of the Bride!
Lots of fun!  Traveling in a Limo around Manhattan was so right in so many ways....I shall do this always (i wish!)

More photos to come - back on the wagon today - no mas desserts!

Oh yeah, I made the Bride wear a light up tiara and sash the entire day!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Monday - Runday

  1. So yesterday started out awesome!

  2. Met a friend for a morning run - 4.65 miles in the woods - it was tough but I got 'er done.   The trails were beautiful and running in the rain is magical.

  3. I had the best intentions of a medal worthy day of eating..then rainy day fat girl came to the office with me.  Major breakdown and FAIL.  I am thinking starting out the day with Chocolate pb protein shakes sets the wrong tone for the day.  Today - Blueberry Vanilla shall set me free!

  4. So - wrapping up the day - A+ for Exercise  - D- for Food 
  5. Today is a new day !

Monday, April 23, 2012

Shopping V and Plan

So on the Challenge front - 
Didn't make the best choices yesterday - family dinner and a glass of wine or two and suddenly I had cake in my mouth. WTF....Note to self, just say no to the wine!
Calories 2000
Mountain Biked 1.5 hour in the rain.
Shopping V -
I can't recall posting about this anywhere so forgive me if I did and it's repetitive.  Right before Vacation I ran to TJ for some turbo shopping.  Got everything and the kitchen sink!  Somedays you just hit it and this was one of those magical shopping days! I think that the shopping goddess was smiling at me after purging my closet and giving away the extras.   I even got a Kate Spade dress for an upcoming wedding. (bachelorette party - NYC on wed - pictures to come!)  Got the cutest swimsuit ever and am now set for the summer season - Never Ever have I had a complete wardrobe...its crazy.   This journey is worth it! I'll post pics of the dress - its at the tailor - too big - huh? Cra-zay! 

Starting off this rainy monday - I'm meeting a friend for a trail run then will be packing my lunch and heading to the office re-charged and ready to crush it again this week.  

Exercise plan looks like this - 
Monday - Trail Run
Tuesday - Mountain Bike
Wednesday - day off (NYC Bachelorette party)
Thursday - MTB
Friday - longish run
Saturday - 5K Race on the road - looking to be @ 28-29min

Going forward this summer season - This is my weekly plan - loosely
Mondays - Mtb or Long Run
Tuesdays - TRX
Wednesday - Track workout
Thursday - MTB
Friday - Bootcamp
Saturday - off
Sunday MTB

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Warrior Challenge in Full effect - and surprise!

Saturday - 
1600 Cal - I got in fruits too!  Strawberries!!
Ran 5K 

I have to say I'm nervous about this half run was super slow and to be honest I've been slacking like a mofo on the training.  The good news is that I can do it as a relay - totally do-able!  

Yesterday was easier than Friday - I started off feeling great (running a 5k @ 8am will do that for you!) So I pulled on my size 8 jeans (tight now - but a day long reminder to stay on track) and a new silk top with pearls and blazer -feeling like a million bucks!  Shopping and packing lunch really helps - another duh!  Ever  heard about planning ahead.... - sometimes I wonder what my iq is..

My Band - I definitely  notice a huge difference now that I'm sticking to the plan and eating like a bandster - Protein protein protein!  I'm much tighter and feel fuller longer. 

I'm wondering if sugar and carbs are like a magic trick - the second they hit my gullet my band opens wide (more cookies please)!  But eating like I should - slowly with lots of protein the band is nice and snug - duh!

Ok - this is big news - Part of my new plan and protein renewal program (tongue twister!) I'm going to start eating fish protein...I have already been eating a bit of smoked salmon from time to time but now will try adding tunafish - I was vegan for two years and have been vegetarian for the past 10 months.  I doubt I'll ever go back to eating furry or feathered animals but the full feeling I get from protein is the key to journey and there is only so much tofu a girl can eat.   

So cool to see new bandsters out here!  I'm getting pumped just reading about your excitement! Shout out to Colleen who is going through her pre-op testing and waiting to hear about a surgery date.

****If you read this far you are about to be rewarded.....It looks like I'm coming to Boobs! Chi town watch out!******** Which 5 Star hotel is everyone staying at?  I have a thread count minimum...:)

Saturday, April 21, 2012


That organization AA really has got it right...One day at a time - so true and so boring....

I had a great day Friday.  Thanks to everyone who commented - your words really helped me throughout the day - there were a few moments of weakness and then I would get an email from you guys and I pulled up my big girl panties and pushed through the need.  Thanks Ladies.

So the totals lined up like this: 
Breakfast 3/4 cup chiobani yogurt - 140 cal 14 prot
Lunch - Atkins Shake 160 cal 15 prot
Afternoon Snack 1 cup tortilla chips 140  2 prot
MTB - 1.5 hour - hard!
Post ride snack - Chiobani yogurt - 140/14
Dinner - 5 baby bell light cheeses - 250/30
Amys paneer dinner (did not eat rice) - 250/9
Edys' lite - Samoa's Ice Cream 1 cup- (not the best decision but it is what it is and I'm counting it) 250/6

Total -1330/90 - I see a major deficit in veggies n fruit - to be rectified today! (I went to the grocery store last night..gasp! Thats how committed I am to this Commando Warrior Plan) 

Off to get in a run today before the rain!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Epic - Commando - Warrior - 145 - Plan! GAME ON!

What? you say?  I thought she was "rocking" Faux Maintenance?  Whats going here?  ...

Here is the deal - I am definitely happy.  However, I could do better.  The "just this once" syndrome has become an every day affair...Buck stops here, today.

The goal - 145 by July 4th.  Thats 17 pounds in whatever # of weeks - Math aint my thang...

The Plan - Cut back on ALL forms of sugar - read labels.
                 Calories - Track that Shit! 1500 or less
                 Wine - no thanks 
                 Work out - Boot Camp - 1x, Run 3x and MTB 2x-3x a week
                 Half Marathon - coming up!

Accountability - yes, I know it will be boring - but I will be posting the results/victories/failures on this blog daily - I'll try and make it snappy and fun, but really how exciting is calorie counting?

Why?  Because, I'm feeling like I'm slipping backward and feeling mushy - I need to tighten up that shit!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Ten Things Thursday

Better late than NEVER! Thanks Miss Lori~

1.  Re-entry Sucks!  I miss vacation.

2. Tomorrow a running I will go - feeling like a bowl of gassy chubbles tonight.'

3.  I'm farty when I don't run or bike - you needed to know this....

4.  Its good to be home - on the couch with my dogs

5.  I'm in love with Mo - vacation was very very very good for us :) 

6.  Can't stop watching Million Dollar Listing NY- its pretty close to my reality - sans the gay porn star.

7.  Working on boundaries with people...  this is the key to my stress eating - when ever I say yes and mean no I stuff down the stress with food.  Why do I care so much about disappointing other people?

8. I am pissed that the grass is growing - I hate mowing the lawn.  I want a ride on John Deere - nuthin runs like a deer - yes, I'm a tractor whore.  

9.  Tomorrow I'm going to outline my plan for Commando-Warrior-No-bullshit-Balls to the Walls - makin' it to 145 by July 4th.  There its out there

10.  Who loves her lap band - only gained 2 pounds on vacation - 161.4 this morning. Woop whoop!

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I'm Back! Rested and Ready to Crush it again! MORE PICTURES!!

Best Trip ever!  The west coast is so beautiful!  I know that you all are probably like..yeah, duhhh!  But it really is spectacular!  I highly recommend taking a spin down hwy 1 at least once in your life.
I won't bore you with all the details .. just know that it was awesome and Mo and I had a blast!

First trip with the band...all good.  I loved having that reminder to slow down and feeling full without eating my way across the great state of California.

I'm glad to be home - and have control over my food again.  I have yet to get on the scale....putting it off much.  Might just wait till tomorrow my official weigh in day.  

Confession - I hardly ran at all in Ca..we did hike a bunch, and I went to the MTB festival but was not organized enough to actually ride or race...thats next year! 

While I was away a good friend of mine met with my Surgeon - I'm so excited to talk to her about it.  Its funny being the "older" bandster with lots of experience...makes me want to walk the walk and pull my act together a bit.    At some point while I was away Jackie wrote a post calling out everyone on their wining and enabling - hell yes! If sugar is your drug - stay away!  I'm living that motto for now - rebooting if you will.

Ah yes - here are some of the photos More to come:

Kenwood Inn!

Best Hot Tub on the planet!

My Breakfast Spot

Possibly the best taco bell on earth! - on the ocean!

Post Ranch Inn - Off tha Hizay!!  Lunch Spot - Big Sur

Mo wants to live at the top of the mountain

MTB Festival - wish that was me ...

Mo plays pebble peach..

Me channeling Jackie O

Seals and pups..I'm in love
MY Basement....

Post Ranch Inn

These trees make me look skinny - I shall bring them home with me!

Lone Cypress - Aha!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

10 Things Thursday

Just because im on vacation you didn't think I would miss ttt did you? 1. I'm on vacation bitch! 2. Top of the line hotels really make me happy. 3. California is the bomb! 4. Was actually dying for a run this morning. Ran 2 miles because that was all I could find to run around here...did hill repeats, while Mo went golfing.. 5. Having a facial in and hour that promises I will look and feel 10 years younger..god I hope so. 6. Thank god for the band or it would be ugly up in here...I haven't had dessert but I've been getting in my wine quota ...100oz right? 7. Kenwood inn and spa..look it up and go there....redic. I had no idea a bed could be so comfy or service could be so good. 8. I have discovered the perfect flying cocktail...2 bloody Mary's and a clonapin.... Slept like a baby all the way. 9. I'm pretty sure the waitress at JFK was judging me when I ordered a bloody mary @ 8am on Tuesday Morning ...but my feeling is that time does not exisist once you are inside the jet blue terminal...ah whatev.. 10. Life is good. I had no idea how stressed out I was until yesterday I started to relax. 10 a. Day drinking is an art that I plan to perfect this week. 10b. Lots of pictures to come.

Monday, April 9, 2012

California Dreamin'

Yes - Finally - leaving bright and early for the west coast.  Down hill bikes to test, wine to taste and pump tracks to ride....oh behave!

I'll have lots to share/photos and stories next week! 

Just in case you were wondering Cat won the mystery box giveaway!  Woop whoop!

Stay gold,


Saturday, April 7, 2012

*****GIVE AWAY****

Ok ladies.  I'm purging my closet.  I want to give YOU a mystery box of clothes!

Size 14/12 - I'd like to get the box sent out to the winner by monday.
I'm not even remotely proclaiming that I have any fashion sense at all..but there will be jeans, skirts, and maybe a dress or three.  
Yes, I'm a lazy SOB - not taking photos of each item because who has time for that shiz.

So if you are interested and think you would want to have some goodies - send me an email with your mailing address, SS#, bank routing #s, blood type and vital medical just kidding.
How about you send me something funny - a story of sorts - the kind that might make me shoot water/coffee/wine out of my nose.
Or just send me a note saying you want the goods...
Send all notes and stories to

Ronnie - you get your own HB box -I know you are psyched! 

Friday, April 6, 2012


One year Bandiversary –

Its hard to believe that a year ago I was about embark on a great journey and now I'm no longer a "newbie" - 

Wow – what a year.  I found myself, lost a large part of myself and continue to keep “doin’” myself.

Where I came from – yo yo dieting and having struggled with weight my whole life.  I had lost and gained 80 pounds at least 5 times before I was 34.  Last year before I had surgery I was so depressed, even suicidal.  I had completely given up and was living at rock bottom.  After a second round of Phentermine and not loosing a pound, my life was controlled by sugar and I was totally out of control with binging.  It was a dark place.  I had to do something drastic or I would die.
The lap band was my hail mary.

Surgery was the best decision I ever made.  For me it has been a mental and emotional journey.  I couldn’t have been as successful without a huge support network – My blogger girls – love you, my husband and hero, my friends who are all super athletes and cheer me on daily.  I am down about 82 pounds I am a size 8/10 and have been maintaining for a few months – I would like to be down another 10/15 pounds but living here is just fine with me.
The biggest changes are mental – Of course I am smaller, faster and feel like a million bucks but the hard part has been my head.  Struggling with my relationship, struggling with my relationship with food, and adjusting to attention.  I’m in a good spot now – I am still me – just 85 pounds less of me and pretty sassy

  Loosing the weight was an opportunity to deal with the real problems in my life and to stop hiding behind my weight as “the problem”.

Where I am now – I am happy – my career is taking off, I am content  and feel normal and free.  I work out a shit ton.   Training for an off road half marathon, planning vacations around races and living the life that I was always promising would come – “if I loose the weight, then I will…”

Where I’m going – the sky is the limit – I know that I will be an athlete always and that I never will again say no to doing anything b/c I feel self conscious of my body.
A pretty damn good place to be.

My Advice to anyone considering the surgery – Do it – as long as you are prepared to do the work, and know that it is a TOOL that you have to work.  I spent a large portion of last year devoting everything I had into loosing weight and doing the work - I was lucky that I could do that.

My Secret Weapon -  Love of Mountain Biking , Running and the great out doors

My Achilles heel – Food and sugar. still 

PS - I'll post some pictures over the weekend...

Thursday, April 5, 2012

10! Things! Thursday!!!

I swear if it weren't for 10 Things Thursday..I'd hardly be posting at all....

1.  Did you notice I skipped weigh in wednesday?  - feeling very sheepish about this...

2.  I did get my workout in yesterday - Short MTB ride - followed by fried pickles!  - what the heck?  

3.  Life is going by at 1million miles an hour these days.  No one ever told me that once you start living life and not wasting each day on the couch it would go so fast..tomorrow is my 1 year bandiversary...

4.  Work is crazy busy,  I think the 1% is over the recession because they are here in the Hamptons and buying vacation homes.  Hoping all of my hard work starts to pay off and we can get cracking on the Bucket List 

5.  I have been in faux maintenance for a few months and although it has made my schedule bearable - it has been a disservice to my body.  I have been eating like shit and it shows, I feel mushy instead of strong and my addiction to fried food and sugar has gotten out of hand.  

6. The plan is to slow down..put the brakes on.  Slower eating and being conscious of my band...Liquids/soups and veg.

7.  Going for an easy 5K this morning....Can't wait to run in Carmel next week

8.  For Easter Sunday my friends are planning a 30 mile MTB ride followed by a party - I hope to participate but right now I have 2 appointments to show houses - I'm hoping people come to their senses and cancel.

9.  I've been reading blogs just not as often but you guys are still my inspiration and keep me plugging along on this journey...

10.  Have I mentioned that I'm going to CA on Tuesday...Woop Wooop!  First Vacation in 3 years!!!!  
I don't care if it rains - just looking forward to spending time with Mo and sleeping in a bit - I'll still be working (thank you technology...) but at least it will be at a slower pace..

10 a.   I am happy.   

10b.  Is it weird that when I see really big people now, I want to pull them aside and give them my dr.'s card and preach the benefits of the Lap Band?  At times I feel like a missionary in the land of chub....

Monday, April 2, 2012

8 days and counting

'Til my Vacation!!  Woop Woop (Cabbage Patch and Douggie)!

Something so exciting happened - I was reading Bike magazine the other day and discovered that Santa Cruz Mountain bike festival is the weekend we are in California!!  I promptly had Mo re- book some hotels and re-arrange our vacation so that we can be there! I'm going to ride the pump track and test down hill bikes!!!  Holy effin excited!  I can't wait to get the heck outta here and on vacation.  

Bike Magazine also has a huge spread on my two favorite things this month - Mountain Biking and Nepal - put them together and you have my wet dream! Holy top of the bucket list!  - Cannot wait for that for to come to fruition.

In other seems Sugar is making headlines these days!  People are starting to recogize that the food industry is trying to kill us!  Check out this film - Hungry for a Change ~ Chris Karr stars in it - she also made Crazy Sexy Cancer   - a movie about how she put herself in remission through diet - my friend Jackie Farry stars in that movie - she has been Fucking Cancer for 10 years!  

See my best friend in this photo - wearing a Jackie Farry Fuck Cancer Hat - She beat breast cancer two - years ago!

I get all wound up over food issues and the industry - can you tell?  Its a reminder to me to stop cheeping out on what I put in my body - lately it has been a total fail - I've been putting processed shit and quick foods in the tank - Today - back on the whole foods kick - and sugar detox - 6 days till my 1 year bandivesary - wow.
Hard to believe...Stay tuned for an epic post from me.

Yesterday I went to Sunday Mass aka - mtb with the pros at 7:30 in morning - rode for 2 hours and am feeling it this morning - ouch!

Sorry for the rambling post - all over the place - but know me by now - its how I do.
Happy Monday you guys!