Saturday, August 31, 2013

What if.....

****more random blogging just trying to figure out my thought process ~ as we all know the battle is a head game***
What if I tracked my calories? 
What if I tracked my work outs?
Would that stress me out?  Would it lead to more binging? It has every time in the past....

Leigh sent me an email yesterday - thank you for that!  She is so sweet and concerned about me....its true, I do have an addiction - and I have slipped - 20 pound gain since my low of 155... Its a scarey place to be.
In the past I have gone to counseling, OA , taken phentermine, counted calories, worked out, ate less, and the list goes on...Now I'm just pissed that I didn't get the sleeve...

My reaction to structure is to rebel.  Structure with work, life and food.  If you tell me I can't do something you can bet I will do it and do it 100%.  This has always been a problem for me..... I have no clue why I didn't wind up a criminal drug addict.  The only saving grace for me has been positive feedback...I thrive on compliments and praise... so strange...

Yesterday was an ok day...not stellar but not horrible with food...  you can see I'm totally out of control if I'm thinking that what I ate yesterday was not horrible...

Green Juice
1/4 of veg quesadila
2 glasses of champagne - WTF
handful of potato chips
2 chocolate chip cookies
1 snack bag of reeces cups
1 reeces candy bar
2 protien bars
1 fish taco
1 protein shake

Today is a new day ~ I will eat clean today 


  1. I absolutely love you. You are a valuable and wonderful person. I know you can get back on track and I already know you've been drinking water like it's your job today. /hugs You are the most bad ass chick I know.

  2. Don't be pissed that you didn't get the sleeve... After all, any WLS is just a tool and it is what you do with it that makes a difference. I didn't get the sleeve for fear of stretching the pouch back out. Just be thankful you are where you are, you look fabulous, you seem to have a lot of energy, and focus yourself on getting to where you need to be.

    I know you will do it! You really inspire me.