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Saturday, October 19, 2013

My Brain....just sorting it out on the blog

.....an inner rant....

My Head is so screwed up.... 
First lets talk about addiction - yes, sugar as we all know is a drug...I've been known to go through the trash, sneak candy, buy bags of it and pretend I'm going to party and that its not for me, hide wrappers, pig out in the car while driving, drop chocolate on my lap and be all "DAMN now I have a chocolate stain on my crotch, cant hide it, or DAMN I just sat on a piece of chocolate and have a stain on my ass.  That kind of addiction.
The kind where - it doesn't even taste good - I am just seeking a high and then ultimately the crash.  Am I craving that feeling where I get to beat myself up and start afresh?  Am I addicted to that feeling?   Or the low?  Its hard to tell.
I would say 90 percent of the time I feel like there is a worm inside me that craves the sugar and its not me..its that parasite that has taken over.

So yes - the number one problem is sugar in my life...but then I get brain freeze - over how to eat.
Organic juice?
Vegan?
Vegetarian?
Paleo seems to work best but I just can't eat meat...It repulses me.
No Carb? Low Carb?
Gluten Free?
Dairy Free?
Organic foods raised by nuns who only wear white in rainbow covered fields?
GMO free?
Locally sourced?
In season only food?
Cook all meals at home and pack lunches?
Never go out for a drink? 
All of the above?

and then my brain explodes and I feel guilty for not eating "righteously" and I eat some crack, watch tv and the cycle starts again.
Can you tell my brain without exercise is a  bad bad place? Overwhelmed with decisions...

The good news is - UTAH vacation full of hiking, biking and self care is right around the corner....the spa serves low cal super healthy food and I think its Dry there so no wine temptation.

So that's where my head is today.... I'll say this for my goal today.  Start with kitcheree or a green juice
and avoid anything with an orange wrapper that says Reese's 


6 comments:

  1. I'm with you and stuck in the same situation and cycle. I'm not sure a plan or program is the answer any more for me. I just need to stay away from the sugar...get it out of the house and just grit my teeth and claw my way through the detox. : ( We can do this.

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  2. I totally understand what you're going through. My brain goes through similar circles. The plan I'm doing (wrote about it on my blog) could be done as a vegan or vegetarian (there is no dairy as a running start)... and it has really stopped the cravings in their tracks. I did totally give up alcohol (except for cheat meal coming up.)
    Hang in there, you are such a terrific and fit person, you can keep working at the best nutrition plan until you find what works.

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  3. Damn those Reese's pumpkins!!! They get me every time!

    We can do this. I'm starting small. Maybe even you can do no reese's. IDK, it might take trial and error to figure out the groove. BUT WE CAN DO THIS!

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  4. For me it's Easter time wtih the damn Cadbury mini eggs! I could eat a truck load. Hang in there!

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  5. "Organic foods raised by nuns who only wear white in rainbow covered fields?" hahaha! Yep THAT is the correct choice!

    You saw the article about oreos = cocaine for most of us, right? Gah! It's truly a love-hate relationship. Love eating it, hate after.

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  6. I honestly didn't even crave cigarettes this much when I quit... sugar has our culture by the balls and isn't letting go.

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