Last week 160.8
This week 163.0
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meh - you do the math - UP
I binged. Sugar has its claws in me real good.
I wish I were one of those people who just had no clue about portions and that my weight issue was just due to the fact that I was not educated about eating healthy. If I were that person than I'm sure I would be at goal and flying along in awesomenes.
But thats not me...I have always known what is the right food to eat - I was on weight watchers at the age of 5 for god sake - trust me I know right from wrong with food.
But thats not my problem - I am addict. Thats not an excuse - its a fact.
I am addicted to the high and the crash. When I need a jolt....sugar
when I'm flying along and I need to calm down.....sugar
When I'm stressed....sugar
The truth is I'm a speed addict too. I love feeling high, alert and in control. You would never ever find me smokin a joint laying in a hammock listening to Bob Marley. (love you Bob - but its not my style)
When my life is out of control - I'm gonna have more sugar and probably 5 cups of coffee - the ultimate speed ball. I justified eating 4 candy bars on the way home yesterday telling myself this - "hey at least its not cocaine". Real rational.
Right now - its out of control - Work is nuts, I've not exercised since Sunday. I mean to but.... My social calendar is crazy...my house is filthy....my dog car is broken down in the driveway so I've not been able to run the dogs on the beach daily ...so I have doggie guilt. I'm a horrible wife - paying little to no attention to Mo. I really need a nice wool winter coat for work but can't afford one....my clothes are all beat up and its all so overwhelming.
Wow .... that feels good to get it all out.
Whats the real problem here? I have to detox again. urgh.
Its a vicious cycle....
I should start by being kind to myself.
I'm sure I'll pull it together once again....and its a process and I've got this, I just need to slow down and take it one moment at a time.
I'm with you..total speed junkie...it's why I like nursing, it's go go go, no time to sit. Well except for my job now as a school nurse...good luck with the detox...I'm feeling a little guilty now about my second cup of coffee and it's not even 5am here...ugh
ReplyDeleteSugar is my addiction too, it is soooo hard every day. Hang in there! You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you. Nothing feels worse than losing control (I know it well). But you are right...you WILL be back in charge and rocking this aspect of your life. Just focus on a day at a time.
ReplyDeleteahh I feel for you and can relate as I am having a hard time getting going after the holidays. It sure doesn't help with the stress of the economy and the stress of work. I hope you find some zen to bring you back to your goals!
ReplyDeleteI have no platitudes of hope that it will all be okay, or that it will pass . . .just the virtual hug to let you know that you are heard and I understand. Get back on and try again.
ReplyDeleteI suppose people like you and me are the reason OverEater's Anon exists....I should probably go to something like that but I just always think I have it under control. Good luck honey!
ReplyDeleteBreathe, honey. Being overwhelmed like that makes everything just fly out the window, and I've totally been there! Take it one step at a time. Just one. Say no to ONE thing. Just slow down, and refocus. It is hard to do that, but I know you can do it. I'm here for you - email me any time! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteknow that you are not alone and that sugar is evil and that you are stronger than it is.
ReplyDeleteI think I could have written this exact same blog...I'm having the same issues right now. Sugar goes down so damn easy.
ReplyDeleteMmmmmm i love me my carbs too. Good luck with the detox. Hang in there.
ReplyDeletebaby steps, one day at a time. One obstical at a time. good luck with the detox.
ReplyDeleteSugar is the devil.
ReplyDeleteYes, you really do not to be kinder to yourself. Do what you can and forgive yourslf for the rest.
Do you have a G00dwill or local community aide close by? I found a nice Talbot coat a month or so ago there for 15 buck-a-roos.
I so feel ya on the sugar addiction! Love the stuff. I have a panic attack just thinking about giving it up.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you are feeling down. I can relate to the sugar cravings. I agree with Shannon, one day at a time. If today didnt go the way you wanted try again tomorrow. You are inspiring and motivational. It's ok to take back some of what you give to so many. Chin up!
ReplyDeleteI need a nice wool coat for winter, too. I'll keep an eye out for you at my local resale shop!
ReplyDelete