Snow Day.

Have I ever told you how snow makes me hungry?  And how uncertainty makes me hungry? 


I have been Bingey Binge Alot this week.  Skerred of the scale I won't know the damage till Monday morning.  Lets just say that the day started off with Toll House cookies fresh from the oven with coffee....It felt right at the moment. Now, I'm second guessing that decision.
Today was supposed to be my long run day...but I'm a pussy, so I'll not be running outside in the snow ~ I'll be mountain  biking instead.  


I broke ties with the people I had been working with ~ so I'm out on my own now ~ a little scary ~ hell yes. But Freedom feels right and I swear, if I saw one more email with the word "Functionality" in it I was going to uni-bomb some shit.


So to pump myself up for my new found freedom I am spending this snowy morning cleaning the house and purging it of all that is unnecessary.  The dogs are looking at me with nervous eyes...


Plan for getting back on track...
Water Water Water
Veggies
No Sugar for 24 hours
Enjoy the snow and rejoice  
Head down and work...all lights are ahead are green!

Figuring it out

First of all ~ I have the cold ~ you know, the one that everyone has.  I never get sick, but yesterday I said uncle, worked from home and vegged out on the couch.  
No exercise ~ which is fine b/c I scheduled in a rest day but then SFG (sick fat girl took over) ~ you know that big baby version of yourself that feels sorry for herself and soothes the sickness with food.
Urgh!!!!  I even talked my husband into making a cake to "celebrate" my sub 30 5K ~ in what world does that make sense??? 
So I felt like shit all night from the cold.  And woke up at 6 to run still feeling like shit.  I reset the alarm and stayed in bed.  I got up finally around 7:30 feeling bad ~ not just cold bad but tired and cranky ~ so what did I do?  I had 2 slices of cake with my coffee and started to watch the biggest looser!!  Wow ~ was I just revisited by the ghost of fat Vanessa or what!!  


This what I just learned from it ~
1. Cake goes in the garbage now
2.  I felt like shit b/c I had crappy cake in my system last night 
3. Sugar is the devil and that's why I was craving cake for breakfast
4. I have to break this cycle right now @ 8:20 in the morning before it gets any worse
5. Tell Mo not to say yes when I wine about needing a cake ~ what am I 4?
6. I am not in a place where crap can live in the house ~ Still working on my fat girl rules see Loosingitwithrebecca great video also check out lizlovesherlapband ~ she did a great response.
7.  Big ups to all you guys out there loosing it while living in houses where there is crap food that you could have but you choose to say no every day ~ I'm just not there yet ~ I have to live in a "safe zone".


My friend Emi and I have a way of dealing with these type of situations but usually applies to being in the car ~ where we will toss whatever we are eating out the window so not to continue (sans wrapper ~ no litter bug here)   Do you think the neighbors will look at me funny if I start chucking cake out the window of my house?  I'm about to!!!

Snap Crackle Pop

Yesterday was one of those days.... you know ~ starts out perfect and then spirals out of control.
Yes, I sprained my Ankle AGAIN and instead of biking in the afternoon I was at home resting which led to grazing, which then blossomed into baking gluten free vegan chocolate chip cookies....I ate 5 of them.
I guess this was a bit a of a NSV because I was able to leave six on the tray.  In the past I would have made sure there were none left over.
One day of "lax" behavior does not have to make an entire backward slide ~ right?  Its just that I struggle so much when I can't exercise (addict much?).
Setting forth the plan for the day~
1. 100 oz water
2. protein shake for breakfast
3. protein first for lunch and VEGGIES!
4. Roast veggies for dinner and tofu baked with coconut oil and soy sauce.
5. I WILL NOT GRAZE WHILE WATCHING BOOB TUBE WHILE FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I CAN'T EXERCISE - I WILL DO AB WORKOUT AND ARMS INSTEAD!
There! It is written  in STONE!!!
Random thought ~ Every time they talk about the Hurricane Irene ~ I have the song "Come on Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners stuck in my head. 

Weigh in and a Fill

Today ~ 179 ~ no change but I ate like a hog in heat over the weekend and didn't do any exercise for two days b/c of the the pissing down rain.
I'll take it!
Went to Dr this morning ~ added 1cc ~ total of 6cc in the band.
On liquids for the day ~ and hope to be back running/biking tomorrow!

Accountability.....

Beach party last night  ~ chopped my hair off....

I'm going to take a page from dinnerland and write it down today ~  I have been focusing on everything
BUT the food ~ because, well, everything else is AWESOME ~ the food is not.  I have been binging on chips and all kinds of CRAP!  So here it is ~ my Plan for today...

100oz WATER

PROTEIN SHAKE ~ breakfast

Veggie Tali over rice for lunch ~

veggie dog mid day snack  ~ 14 g protein 140 calories 

roast tofu and corn salad for dinner ~ 

That's the basic outline ....

SUMMER RECIPE ALERT!

As you guys know I don't eat Animals.  I do love to eat.  What do I eat in the summer?
CORN and CORN and More CORN on the COB ~ yes, I am a junkie.  I eat it for lunch and dinner mostly ~ If I could figure out how to add it to my breakfast shake, I would.


 I also roast tofu and tempeh ~ best trick ever is letting in marinate in coconut oil (1tbs), water 1tbs and soy sauce 2 tbs. And then toss in the oven on a baking sheet for 15 minutes.


Back to corn ~ I made a kick ass corn salad the other night ~ 3 ears of kernels, 1 basket of small heirloom tomatoes -chopped, 1 can black beans ~ cilantro, salt n peppa, and a dash of balsamic and a splash of EVOO. I tossed in some Oreccheitte  for the fun of it. YUMM.

Sideways corn and roast tempeh 

Top Ten Reasons I exercise

10. To stay out of the kitchen
9.   So that my legs will be strong to carry me over mountains
8.   To Socialize with my peeps!
7.   To get that ass kicking feeling of joy at the end of a hard work out
6.   To loose weight
5.   To keep sane ~ I love that serotonin
4.   So my heart is healthy
3.   So I can concentrate on the rest of my day ( self diagnosed ADD!)
2.  So I can be like my friend Jane who is a total hottie, super athlete and a grandma! ( she is on the left in the picture above)
1.  Because I refuse to go back to the PRISON of my couch 

Meet Brian - my sweet 29er mountain bike

I get to bike here ~ not too shabby!

Summer People

Life has gotten really crazy.  I live in a resort community and August is a nightmare here.  It seems that everyone is in a bad mood.  Locals are burnt out from the influx of entitled  NYC Range Rover driving lunatics! And the August renters are totally out of control. 


I am really busy with work, busy with my second job at the horse farm and really really busy trying to train for the VT50  I have to get in a certain # of long rides before Sept 25th.  Finding 5 hours in a day to MTB is proving really hard. sigh.... The good news is that I have made plans to go up to VT to train with some friends in the next week or so - because there are NO mountains on Long Island! So Yay for that!


With all the chaos that surrounds me, I was able to take 5 at the beach the other night as a storm was rolling in...My Husband took this photo with my Crackberry - so quality is not great but you get the idea..I'm doing my sideways Paris Hilton pose...
oh and NSV ~ Shopped at American Eagle and bought size 14 there...Woo Hoo!

Weigh in Day!

181.2 = loss of 1.6 this week and down total of 60 lbs since March!  woohoo! 50 to go!

That is all.

Balance and Wishes

Ok - crack that whip! Rant and confessions

Getting back on track today.  Yesterday I took the day off from exercise and that really messes with my head.  I am convinced that within 24 hours I will gain all my weight back and then some.  This is a real head trip and I'm hoping I can get it under control soon.  Yesterday was a free for all food day.  I thought it would be a good idea to eat two left over focaccia sandwiches after I had a large lunch and pasta salad. oy - I did not feel well all evening ~ will be doing liquids all day today to repent for my sins.

I am having a hard time balancing life ~ A big shout out to all you working moms who are also on the weight loss journey and doing it.  I have no kids ~ well, I do count my dogs ~ my job is flexible and my husband is super helpful and awesome, and I still have a hard time.  It seems I can only do one thing well at a time. Right now that's ME.  I am having a hard time getting it together with work and keeping up with the house work.  My focus had been 100% on me and my lap band journey.  I am now trying to put at least 50% toward my work and I just don't have it.

All I want is to be able to train full time for the VT50 and other races  ~ Hey anyone at Allergan want to sponsor this lap bander?  Just askin'...

Ok - time to put on the big girl panties and get to work today ~

Oh Hell YES! and weigh in..

Best Cake Ever (vegan too)

Went to my pre b-day party @ my Parents house last night.  I'm so glad I did that epic ride before because I had an express train of guacamole to my mouth!  Such a great evening!  My mom made veggie lasagna in my honor and there was no meat to be seen!  Ok, some crab cakes for the rest of the gang but over all I was impressed. 

I adore spending time with my Grandmother.  She is such a class act and lover of life (and bridge).  I lived with her for a time when I was between houses in my 20s and I really got to know her.  It was similar to living with Lucille Ball.  She shouldda been in the movies!  She is always up for a good time and the running joke is that she has leave early to get to the local bar to dance for money.... where that came from I don't know but she really gets going with the whole thing! Too funny.

Today is weigh in ~ we'll see how much damage the cake and guac did ~ my band only got tight when eating salad ~ the guac and cake went down just fine ~ of course....

The results are ~ 182.8 that's a 1.2# loss.

I also learned a lesson this morning ~ Thou shalt not bring home leftover cake and then eat a slice for breakfast ~ feel guilty and try to go running with it sitting the stomach....gross. 

Cake is in the bin now ~ no mas!

Epic Ride

First ~ Thanks for all of the love on my new blog design ~ gotta give Jen @ just foolinblog design a huge thank you!  If you need some design help go see her  ~ she ROCKS!


I also want to thank Ronnie  and Samantha  for reminding me how important the WHOLE Journey is.  I will never forget where I came from and will try and be compassionate toward the old me ~ its a process...


Today!  I havea long mtb ride with my biker budd, Jflatts ~ a nice 25 miler out and back.  J and I had done the VT50 last year and were often out on these long training rides.  Its been a while since we both had the time to commit to an epic endeavor.  The thing I love most about these Epic rides is the emotional roller coaster and the pure bliss I feel at the end of it.  I am addicted to that spent feeling after pushing it balls to the wall.   The long ride is usually made up of three parts: 1 - the psyched empowered beginning - sense of adventure embarking on a 4 hour journey. 2- we get really quiet and try to just grind it out and push through exhaustion.  3~ the home stretch, we are sloppy tired and giddy, lusting after the post ride Beer  lemon water.


Oh and the best part of this day .... Going to get my VEGAN cake and EAT it too!  I'll post pictures soon.

New Blog Design ~ And deep thoughts

Here she is!  Athena in all her awesomeness.  She is the voice inside me that says keep running, keep biking, you can go another mile, don't give up.  She keeps watch over me near a buffet table.  She taps me on the shoulder when I am browsing the refrigerator.  She will fight the Hostess Snowball that calls to me in the store (eeww gross - did I really eat that once upon a time).  Nothing phases her ~ she never cries into a bag of chips or feels sorry for herself.  I am slowly becoming her.  

At the other end of the spectrum is the old me - the out of control fat girl who couldn't get from point A to point B without something sweet, the girl who didn't believe she was good enough ~ and had no self confidence.  I am leaving that person behind and the farther away I get, the more I hate her.  

Today as I was cleaning out my closet and putting all my way too big clothes in box to make way for Athena's wardrobe I was grossed out.  I want no memories of who I was. I'm not saving my fat jeans, I am not keeping any of my old clothes I don't even want pictures around.  That other person was weak, sloppy and depressed.  I'm not going back.  

Athena was asking what took you so long?  Why did you not care before?  How could you let it get so bad?  Then I remind myself that ~ HEY! I had to have surgery to get here.  It wasn't easy.  Now, with the combined efforts of Athena and the Lap Band I can conquer this once and for all and move that fat girl out of my house to make room for Athena. 

This is the part where Beyonce comes out and sings some type of girl power anthem....just sayin'.

Great Minds think alike -

I was just reading what Drazil has been up to and I swear she is in my head!  I was just going to do a post about my husband's inability to just hug!  I have been having a hard time adjusting to this new flood of affection but I will survive.  As for the Wax ~ I have it my head as a reward (not sure for who) when I hit 185 ~ that I will be going to get a brazillian wax ~ which would in no way help the hugging (or lack there of)!  Having never done anything like that I am nervous and am appear to be self sabotaging with peanut butter.  I just need to get on with it!
Today is Boot Camp ~ the best day of the whole week ~ a chance to socialize and push my body to its limit.  Finally the weather here has cooled, so I'll be off for a long run this morning ~ addicted much ~ you bet!
Today's Goal~ accept my fate of reaching 185 and lay off the peanut butter ~ Eat some damn fresh veggies today and plan some Damn meals!

I am over you Lane Bryant

Its over.  I just don't need you anymore.  I know, I know, I used to love you.  I would get so excited to visit you, and you always made me feel so pretty and smart (with your great sales).  I am glad we got to know each other ~ you even saved me from some awkward situations and helped me to develop a style of my own.  But I must bid you adieu ~ we are no longer the right fit.  I have erased all evidence of you ~ my closets are now empty and I refuse to keep your things lurking in the back ~ just in case my new life doesn't work out and I need you once again.  Nope ~ say farewell ~ you can stop sending me flyers in the mail, emails saying you want me back and don't beg me back with your Real Women Dollars ~ it won't work this time. I've moved on.  I am falling for Ralph, Michael, Calvin, Coco and Tory.  Only time will tell who will be my next love ~ I am sampling whats out there, so many choices so little money.  It already is so worth it.

Fare well ~ I have no regrets

Weigh in Day

191.0 - loss of 1.8 pounds this week ~ I'll take it!

Today is a rest day for me ~ I am wiped from the race yesterday.  I'm spending the 4th on the beach and then watching the Tour de France ~ love those boys in spandex!

Ah summer!
Happy 4th to all

Roller Derby Queen

I'm not sure if its my love of fishnets and stage names or just the need to set a goal that has nothing to do with mileage, time or the scale.  The Long Island Roller Rebels hold try outs in November.  This is perfect - just about the time MTB season is winding down and I should be a lot smaller ~ I mean stronger ~ by then.  My only knowledge of the roller derby is the Jim Croce song Roller Derby Queen.  I think I could be really good it for a variety of reasons...the most important that I love to skate ~ er.... used to when I was 10 ~ and that I think dressing up with a stage name and not having to shimmy up and down a pole is super cool.
If there are any Derby Ladies out there than can give me some advice please comment!
I'll keep you all posted on my progress - Step 1 - buy skates....

The war wages on....

So even though I've had my halo on for the majority of the 3 months that I've been banded, every once in a while the devil sits on my shoulder.  I am a binge eater.  Always have been since I can remember.  As soon as the going gets tough I get munching.  Since the band, these episodes have been minor and few and far between.  Usually I can get out for a run or bike ride to clear my head or settle in for some Chai tea or take the dogs for a walk.

Last night was a bad one...it started because I couldn't run or bike with my bum knee and I wussed out on the open water swim.  I got home from work and  was starving! Instead of making some tea and working on a game plan for dinner I sat down with leftovers and turned on my favorite travel/food show - No Reservations.  It was the Rome episode - my favorite "food porn".  I went bite for bite with Anthony Bourdain.  Not my finest moment.

I am actually glad that happened. I was getting cocky, thinking that the Band would stop me in time.  The band is not the magic cure - it is a tool. I am reminded that the band is not the decision maker, I am.  The band  supports my good decisions and hopefully lessens the damage of the bad decisions.

Today I will schedule a fill and be on top of my emotions....oh yeah and I'll not be watching any "food porn" travel shows.

Battle Wounds

I love battle scars as much as the next girl.  Generally they are nasty purple bruises, gashes to the leg or arm and a very sore set of muscles.  I have been known to go bragging about how I got my scars and bruises: "Dude! I was whipping down a trail and caught major air off a 4 foot drop and missed the landing" or "I missed the turn and tried to jump a log and wound up doing a superman into a tree".  This is usually followed by some high fives and woohoos from my gang of fellow crazy mtb chix.

Now that I have taken up running, I spend more time on the road these days and less time getting "sweet air" over big logs. My current set of injuries (mildly sprained left ankle and banged up right knee) are rather embarrassing, there is not one thing cool or daring about them.

So here it is.....I am a Klutz.  Yes, that's right...I can ride the piss out of a mountain bike and fly down steep hills without a worry, but when it comes to walking, I am a disaster.
I knew I was due for a fall, it had been a while.  I took two steps down a driveway and BAM there I was SPLAT on the road.  Ouch!

The good news is I taped the ankle and went for a bike ride...the bad news is I tried running this morning and I was like Franken runner -all kinds of gimpy on the knee.   There are now 4 days till race day and I'm just going to have to suck it up and do what I can.
I guess this is a good excuse to take up open water swimming.

A Day in the Life

Happy Monday (my day off so really is!) And my weigh in day...192.8 up .2 not sure what that's all about..

I thought I'd give a snap shot of a typical day for this vegan athlete. This was yesterday.

I am usually between 50 and 60g of protein a day. And try to be around 1100 cal.

WALK DOGS ON BEACH - 45 MINUTES

1cup coffee - .25 cup of lite soy milk - 15cal and 1.5 g pro
Breakfast: Shake:
                4oz lite soy milk - 30cal 3g prot
                4oz organic apple juice - 45 cal 0 pro
                1 scoop spirutein protein powder - 99 cal 14g pro
                1 scoop green vibrance - 44 cal 2.6g pro
                1 Tbs flax meal - 30 cal 1.5 g pro
                .5 cup frozen blue berries - 30 cal
                                                                                  
                             295 cal and 22g protein - approx

Lunch : .5 cup refried beans - 100 cal 6g pro
            8 grain soy flatbread - 90 cal 5g pro
            baby spinach 3oz -10 cal 2g pro
           sliced tomato - 15 cal 0 pro
            1tbs taco sauce - 10 cal
                                                                              
                    225 cal and  13 g protein

Pre mountain bike ride  - gu -100 cal (this is straight carbs and helps to prevent "bonking" on the ride.)
During ride - g2-watered down - approx 50 cal

TRAINING RIDE - OUT AND BACK - OUT BEING ALL UP HILL - 2HOURS - 16 MILES - Boooyah!

Dinner - Spinach Salad made with tempeh bacon and walnuts 450 cal - 10g
               roasted tofu 80 cal 10 g protein
                                                                      
                   530  cal 20g pro

Total for the day - 1200 cal and 55 g pro -
I'll be posting some more creative recipes soon...