Snow Day.

Have I ever told you how snow makes me hungry?  And how uncertainty makes me hungry? 


I have been Bingey Binge Alot this week.  Skerred of the scale I won't know the damage till Monday morning.  Lets just say that the day started off with Toll House cookies fresh from the oven with coffee....It felt right at the moment. Now, I'm second guessing that decision.
Today was supposed to be my long run day...but I'm a pussy, so I'll not be running outside in the snow ~ I'll be mountain  biking instead.  


I broke ties with the people I had been working with ~ so I'm out on my own now ~ a little scary ~ hell yes. But Freedom feels right and I swear, if I saw one more email with the word "Functionality" in it I was going to uni-bomb some shit.


So to pump myself up for my new found freedom I am spending this snowy morning cleaning the house and purging it of all that is unnecessary.  The dogs are looking at me with nervous eyes...


Plan for getting back on track...
Water Water Water
Veggies
No Sugar for 24 hours
Enjoy the snow and rejoice  
Head down and work...all lights are ahead are green!

Figuring it out

First of all ~ I have the cold ~ you know, the one that everyone has.  I never get sick, but yesterday I said uncle, worked from home and vegged out on the couch.  
No exercise ~ which is fine b/c I scheduled in a rest day but then SFG (sick fat girl took over) ~ you know that big baby version of yourself that feels sorry for herself and soothes the sickness with food.
Urgh!!!!  I even talked my husband into making a cake to "celebrate" my sub 30 5K ~ in what world does that make sense??? 
So I felt like shit all night from the cold.  And woke up at 6 to run still feeling like shit.  I reset the alarm and stayed in bed.  I got up finally around 7:30 feeling bad ~ not just cold bad but tired and cranky ~ so what did I do?  I had 2 slices of cake with my coffee and started to watch the biggest looser!!  Wow ~ was I just revisited by the ghost of fat Vanessa or what!!  


This what I just learned from it ~
1. Cake goes in the garbage now
2.  I felt like shit b/c I had crappy cake in my system last night 
3. Sugar is the devil and that's why I was craving cake for breakfast
4. I have to break this cycle right now @ 8:20 in the morning before it gets any worse
5. Tell Mo not to say yes when I wine about needing a cake ~ what am I 4?
6. I am not in a place where crap can live in the house ~ Still working on my fat girl rules see Loosingitwithrebecca great video also check out lizlovesherlapband ~ she did a great response.
7.  Big ups to all you guys out there loosing it while living in houses where there is crap food that you could have but you choose to say no every day ~ I'm just not there yet ~ I have to live in a "safe zone".


My friend Emi and I have a way of dealing with these type of situations but usually applies to being in the car ~ where we will toss whatever we are eating out the window so not to continue (sans wrapper ~ no litter bug here)   Do you think the neighbors will look at me funny if I start chucking cake out the window of my house?  I'm about to!!!

The war wages on....

So even though I've had my halo on for the majority of the 3 months that I've been banded, every once in a while the devil sits on my shoulder.  I am a binge eater.  Always have been since I can remember.  As soon as the going gets tough I get munching.  Since the band, these episodes have been minor and few and far between.  Usually I can get out for a run or bike ride to clear my head or settle in for some Chai tea or take the dogs for a walk.

Last night was a bad one...it started because I couldn't run or bike with my bum knee and I wussed out on the open water swim.  I got home from work and  was starving! Instead of making some tea and working on a game plan for dinner I sat down with leftovers and turned on my favorite travel/food show - No Reservations.  It was the Rome episode - my favorite "food porn".  I went bite for bite with Anthony Bourdain.  Not my finest moment.

I am actually glad that happened. I was getting cocky, thinking that the Band would stop me in time.  The band is not the magic cure - it is a tool. I am reminded that the band is not the decision maker, I am.  The band  supports my good decisions and hopefully lessens the damage of the bad decisions.

Today I will schedule a fill and be on top of my emotions....oh yeah and I'll not be watching any "food porn" travel shows.