Its a mental Journey...

I got to thinking the yesterday about how I perceive other people and how they perceive me.  Thanks Ronnie for this post because this is what got me thinking.

A friend of mine has a beautiful wife - who I have never met - she is skinny and blond and just gorgeous and a sweetheart.  We were all supposed to get together the other day and I immediately was dreading meeting her...

Why?  Well because I thought right off the bat she would look down at me b/c I am the big girl.  And then my next thought was I already don't like her.  Then I went "Wait Stop!" to my crazy fat girl brain.

I am no longer that person.  I am not that girl that will just sit back in the corner and crack jokes about my weight before someone else does.  And who knows, maybe this blond beauty - who has never met me and would never know the Fat me - would be intimidated by my beauty and sunshiny personality.  

Its crazy when you realize that you no longer have that "Fat" wall to hide behind or use as an excuse as to why people don't like you.  Now if they don't like me - its because they just don't like me not because they are repulsed by my girth - now thats a scary thought!

I had an insecure fat girl moment yesterday.  I stopped into the horse farm to visit some friends in between appointments and I ran into some of the more famous customers there.  Immediately I got totally insecure and figured they wouldn't remember who I was - because after all, I am gross and invisible.  Of course they recognized me and we chatted for a while - then when one of the guys said "Vanessa - you know my partner, S-----  right?  I said yes and did the dumbest thing (he is pretty famous and fabulous) I shook his hand and said "so nice to meet you"  DUH! Then they were like you've met him before- remember you were at our party - double duh - of course I've met him - I'm just so insecure that I figured he wouldn't  have remembered me so it was easier to act like it was our first time meeting...

I felt like a dork after...

Its hard adjusting to this new life - where people treat me differently and I don't have to act defensively and pretend that people don't know who I am...

Whew!  Long Blog today - had to get that out...

This weekend - still kicking ass - doing two-a-days - running in the morning with the dogs and then Mountain Biking at night - Crushed it last night - with a personal best - 6 miles in 30 minutes up hills and through the sand - I love my bike - I think I'll try and get paid to "do me" and give tours on my bike...

Have a great sunday - off to Boot Camp!