Kettle Bell Hell

So Far this year - I'm crushing  it - all six days of it - boooooyah!

With the exception of a client dinner on Saturday night, I've been sober.  My skin looks better, I've added in new healthy habits that are starting to push out my old not so healthy habits. 
Drinking water
Oil swishing
Packing Lunches
drinking green juice instead of snacking on crap
Reading More 
Cooking healthy meals with my Crock Pot - I love her so much I almost want to name her....its like having a wife..I come home to warm home cooked meals.  I like Peggy.  Peggy The Crock Pot seems right.

Yesterday was my first strength training class - I can barely walk today...(i kinda like that) those kettlebell swings are surprisingly  hard to learn - I feel like there is an elephant standing on my back and stairs are not an option at this point.  But I'm going back tomorrow for more abuse...mainly because it makes my brain feel good and I know I'm on the right path.

Business has been good - I'm heading to NYC next tuesday for client meetings - and have been making an effort to keep in touch with old clients and buyers.

Below is some of the food I've been making - bean burritos with lime cilantro slaw and breakfast tofu bean burritos - so yum!
And a pic of me - the real deal back to square one.

 

Happy New Year! 2015

Well, Well, Well.....its that day.  The day when we make promises to ourselves that we trash in a week or two.

Three days ago - Miss Lori and I had a stern talk with each other and are back at it...as a lifestyle (not a new years resolution). Its too over whelming to start new and overhaul everything so we each decided to do one thing better each day, by adding in a good habit - not eliminating anything or beating ourselves up for eating "bad food".
Lori has committed to drinking her water daily, I've committed to drinking a green juice daily.  So Far so good.
I've been grocery shopping and packing my lunch too - making juice and smoothies at home and packing lunch is a lot cheaper than buying on the go.
I am also not going to weigh myself this year...a la Amy .  I know I'm fat and I don't need a number anymore to tell me that or tell me I'm worthy each day.  Eff That! I'll measure my health by the miles I ride and the mountains I climb.

Lap Band recap - I had fluid taken out in June because I couldn't eat fresh fruit and veggies and was throwing up anytime I did.  I now can eat all fruits and veggies but I also don't have much restriction and have gained a lot of weight back....I was also gaining when I was too tight....long story short, its a tool - you have to find out what works for you.  For me, not much worked in 2014.

So what does 2015 look like in my world?

Travel:
Puerto Rico in January
Florida in March
Utah in May
Vermont June/Sept
December - holidays - getaway.

Fitness:
Mountain Bike Race on March 28th
Taking a 4 week strength class starting Monday
Lots of Biking and working on Strength and endurance

Work: 
Continue to build my business and increase sales by 60%
Develop and follow through on a plan to get that 60%
Focus on developing new business and keeping in touch with clients
Go into NYC 2x a month to take clients out to lunch/dinner

Home:
RE-do Garden and landscaping
Paint interior of house
Save for addition
 

Shine on in the New Year!

 Sloth Love in 2015

 Winter Run with S'mai

 This is how I feel after the holidays...looking forward to not feeling this way

 Winter sunset 3:30pm

 This is what I'm drinking a ton of these days - green citrus smoothie - check it out

 

Packed Lunches..

 Citrus Green Smoothie... yum!

Top 20 Reasons Why I want to Lose Weight

Just a short reminder 

20.  So my underwear is loose and I'm not reminded of my girth as I'm falling asleep

19.  So I look cute when I wear flannel and not like a lumber jack

18.  So I can buy new MTB clothes and look like a cute rad bike chick and less like a squatch in the woods

17. So my Bras are not making marks in my back 

16. So I feel sexy and will actually want to make out with my husband who thinks I hate him

15.  So I can wear 90% of my clothes that are mocking me from my closet

14. So I can go on a beach vacation in 6 weeks and wear a swimsuit - not look good,..... just wear one of the ones that I own...seriously nothing fits

13. So I can feel powerful again

12.  So I can wear heels - my feet are taking on odd shapes these days...like muffins forced into odd pans

11.  So I can shred the trails fast and hard

10.  So I can fly and not feel like I'm oozing out of the seats

9.  So I can become the image in my mind of myself - fit and strong 

8.  So I can continue to fit in my car....its getting iffy

7.  So that when I tell people I ride bikes they don't look at me shocked and ask if its a recumbent one 

6.  So that I can hike and bike all over the southwest and Utah....

5.  So that I can move out west and be that fit, healthy athlete I imagine in my mind

4.  So that all my income is not spent on food - that is an exaggeration..but I do spend alot of $$ on expensive treats..imported cheese with truffles anyone?? 

3.  So I can stop coming up with fake "celebrations" to eat..

2.  So that I will be able to pull a dress out of my closet at a moments notice when I have a party to go to.

1. So that I can go back to living my life without my girth, body, weight, size, being the #1 thought in my mind.  

#OVERIT

Where am I at this week -
I've been biking and eating 75% healthy since Sunday...its a start....again....

 The Jacquelyn Smith is up!

S'mai judging me

Sunday ~

Wow - very cool that people are still reading my blog after this time away.  Thanks for the comments and support guys!! 

Yesterday was a struggle - actual # on scale was 203 
- I did go for that bike ride...it was cold and painful...I want so badly to be back to where I was that its frustrating but I know that each time I go out there and ride its a step forward and good for my soul.
Today I've got plans to ride with an old friend at 10:30 - its warmer out so I'm looking forward to a spin in the woods.

Food yesterday - Went pretty good - then I had a melt down around 3:30 and ended up eating a huge cookie...that same feeling again - the feeling where I would die if I didn't have the cookie and I might possible run over anyone standing in my way to get the cookie..... addiction much?
It was only one HUGE cookie...and then I had some cheese and honey with truffles when I got home.
Dinner was a salmon burger.

Today - Mo is going grocery shopping so I don't get tempted at the store..
I had a poached egg on toast this morning 
Will have some yogurt before I bike and then lunch will likely be some veggies with tofu
Dinner ...TBD   

If I can just do one thing better each day...:)  

My friend Jenn is a photographer - she went to italy with us and is just now sending over some fantastic pictures - this is one of my favorites - HAHHAAA

 

Holy Shit its Almost Thanksgiving

What the eff? 

I'm back from Italy.   It was an epic adventure and I went so far off the rail with food, I'm back to square one.  The day I got home I weighed 202 pounds.  Not ideal.  

From the chick that felt like there was no turning back two years ago when she weighed 155 to feeling like I'm trapped in a body that's not mine and wishing it would all go away.

How did I become the failed weight loss surgery patient?? I was a rock star!  I crushed it and lost it all.  
 I unraveled. Rebelled against the lifestyle that worked for me.  I was afraid of being free and what that meant.  In order to lose the weight and be a success - I know that it has to be the #1 thing in my life - all consuming #1 project that is all day everyday.  I was burnt out on that being the #1 thing in my life and I wanted to just be normal....

The truth is, I did this to me.  Starting over is depressing and harder than anything I've ever done.  Many people know about my lap band and its painful to see the look on their face when they see me.  I want to sleep all the time and wish it all away, but the reality is if I want the life I had before, I have to go get it again.  

I went to yoga on Thursday.  Today I'm going out on my bike for a mid day spin - 32 degrees sucks.  I'm also going to take a strength class again. Its all about the food though.  

I'm starting today with a protein shake. I'll have soup for lunch.
I hate even writing this shit down because I doubt I'll be able to stick to it past 11am... 
So, um yeah... I'm in a dark place.  I remember when I first started this journey and I read someone's blog who was all- "the band failed and I'm fat again"  I thought - what a loser..the band didn't fail, you failed the band.  And here I am.  

What do I want life to look like?  Sleeping and wearing baggie pjs all day feeling sluggish?  Or do I want to be out shredding in the woods on my bike being full of energy and feeling like I can do anything...Thats the question - to be Awesome or be a punching bag for my self hatred.

Here are some recent pics from Italy  

Bike Trips wrap up

HE SHREDS

 

I'm back - well for a month then off to Italy....:)

Sept 5-8 I went to shred in VT with some friends - rode hard for four days and had a blast. 
Came back late on the 8th and then left on the 12th for Utah - my future home...god I love that place!  
Miss Lori is a lucky woman to live there.

I went on a bike/camping trip with my friend B - we had a blast - I love camping and sleeping under the stars.
We rode about 30 miles a day on dirt and roads and saw the most beautiful country.   
I've never felt such peace and joy as last week when I was totally off the grid and one with nature...
Even more exciting - I was not hungry - not one bit.  I had to force myself to eat.

Re-entry is a bitch and I'm doing my best to remain calm and maintain my connection to nature.

Stats - Still 189 - lost 1 pound or so with all the exercise but I think I made muscle - I'm not stressing too bad..

I can't even begin to describe how beautiful it was so here are the pictures.

MOAB

BALANCED ROCK  - ARCHES

BACK COUNTRY CAMPING IN ARCHES

BOULDER LODGE IN UTAH - GODS COUNTRY

ARCHES

CALF CREEK CANYON WATER FALL

BURR TRAIL

WOLVERINE LOOP

HALLS OVERLOOK

TEQUILA TASTES BETTER IN THE DESERT

AMAZING

WE WERE MOSTLY RIDING AROUND 7000 -6000 FEET - TOUGH GOING FOR THIS SEA LEVEL DWELLER

SAD FACE  - LAST RIDE....I MISS IT AND WANT TO BE BACK THERE..