Yesterday ~
I went out for a nice Mountain Bike ride and had a major crash - resulting in bashed right knee and un-rideable bike... fooey....
I've taken both bikes to a friend to wrench back into shape..
My physical state is "I'm falling apart"
Blown out knee, sprained ankle, bee sting with blown up hand, topped off by a twisted back..
Good God, I've become THAT middle aged woman..
So today is a rest day...I'll be chillin at the beach...tomorrow is a long road ride.
Yesterday was a shit show with food..I can't even write it down... It started from the moment I left the house and didn't end until I went to bed... some of the highlights include peanut M&Ms and chocolate covered cashews..
Last night I had drinks with some of my guy friends - one of them said he put his girlfriend on diet...
I almost fell off the bar stool when I heard this...She is beautiful and likely a size 6 or 8....
He said he loves her no matter what but she started to let herself go and he would like her to keep it "tight"....
Immediately I turned inward... if thats what he thinks of his beautiful girlfriend...he must think I'm jabba the hut...I've packed on 35 pounds since last summer and have been up down my whole life.
My evening went from having fun with friends to feeling so so shitty and low about my obvious weight fail....I know everyone has their daemons but I carry mine in my thighs, ass and bloated stomach...so obvious for all to see and judge..and no one judges me more than me...
So on that note - guess what! Its a new day!!! I've not failed yet today and I've been awake for 45 minutes...
And I realize I'm thinking in black and white...Its where I'm at this moment and I'm keepin it real....
Food fail for me too. Today is a new day and I won't give up on myself.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder what those type of guys think of me. I've never been about to put it into words, but you are right I carry my daemons for everyone to see. Puffy and rolls all over the place, up and down with my weight.... It would crush my soul if my husband ever went "there." Said those things. I don't know what I would do if he were that guy.
I've always carried my weight in my lower body, too... although if I'm being honest, my upper body wasn't great either. I think at one point my arms were bigger than my neck. (GROSS!)
ReplyDeleteHe's not thinking of you that way, men never think before they speak. Although, I would have had to punch him for saying that about his GF. lol
Ugh. That guy. I have spent my life judging myself because of that very thing. Ronnie's right, people don't think when they speak. I'm so sorry to hear about your crash! That sucks, dude. But I'm glad that it won't stop you!
ReplyDeleteI commented, but it never showed up ... ? I was asking why you would care what that guy may think of you. He may be your friend, but he is also a jerk. You can bet that he makes his beautiful girlfriend feel like shit about her body. Take care of yourself because you deserve to feel strong, healthy, and fabulous, not because of anyone else's opinion.
ReplyDelete